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Post by Lara on Jan 3, 2009 0:58:47 GMT -5
Start: 12:53
End: 12:58
Whay? Why do I keep having this trouble? I'm going to try and get it all out without using backspace - as you've clearnly seein with my typos. See, I have this problem. I have all these great ideas, but I can't get myself to write them down. According to this thread Alli posted, it has to do with a form of writer's block,. but it's just so horrible! You know Elizabeth? I know some of you have bmet her already. Otheras may have just seen my posts about her. I've been wproking on her profile for AGES, since I started, since Kairuu has been revamped practically. But All I can do so far with her is bullet points. I've got page or so of bullets for things, between personality and history, and they just do n't add up. It's horrible, I dtell you! Ack, keep trying to hit backaspace. Anyway, yeah, Im trying to get it all down, so you can all officially meet uher. I felt so guilty with posting her stuff, and Jamie's for that matter, when you have nothing to go by. At least her picture, his too, but it didn't work like that. I have them, though. Should have posted them. But it happens all the time! It's even worse with ohw quikly I get distracted, like Sarah. I love writing my characters. I like writing about them. But all of a sudden I get this 'no, I don't actually wnt to write right now' and the next thing I know, three hours have passed. I waswn't always tlis way! I used to be able to write all the time. >.< Now everything is just so messed up, and I want to fix it so bad. But I don't know where to strart.
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Post by Lara on Jan 3, 2009 1:47:40 GMT -5
What is love, really? I have to wonder that sometimes. Is it as simple as two people feeling affection for each other? Or is there more to it? What if life chooses to complicate things? Is it sometimes best to leave love alone, to never pursue it?
I never really thought about it; at least, not until he came along. Nicholas Parker, a volunteer at the local hospital. I first met him when I was young - how young was it, really? I think I was ten. He was sixteen at the time - the youngest our hospital would allow. Since he was just a volunteer no one seemed to mind when he stole away to my room during my stays. Well, maybe it just felt like he took time away from his job to visit me. Perhaps it was childlike wishing the entire time. All I knew was that having him there in the room with me was better than anything I ever thought I would do.
He did all sorts of things with me. There were times when he brought a tray in, a plastic cover over the top. Sometimes, it was just the plain meal that came with the hospital stay, but sometimes... sometimes there was something extra. This ranged from day to day, but I always thought he had brought it especially for me. How was I to know that it had been requested by my parents?
When he didn't have a tray, he still came in and made my day, making funny faces at me as he checked the IV dripping from my arm - never mind that I was too old for funny faces at the time. For him, I laughed at them every time. They were just another part of him that I adored, even if he didn't know it.
Things became even better when I turned thirteen. I was well enough to stay home, rather than spend my days at the hospital, but Mother still worried about me. She and Father both had jobs, shifts that extended throughout the day, and she didn't want me home alone. She had taken the job up because of me, I know; or, rather, because of the medical bills that I wracked up from time to time, between the surgeries and simple visits to the doctor, and everything in between.
I hadn't liked the idea at first. Certainly, I was old enough to stay home alone! But there was always the risk that I would suddenly collapse, or that something else would happen, and no one would be around to know. No, I needed constant supervision, and thus, one lucky volunteer got to be my permanent babysitter.
I went through a few different ones before I found one I liked. Or, rather, enough volunteers grew tired of watching over a fragile thirteen year old. Never mind that I wasn't fragile at all; I was simply disinterested, and at thirteen, one can be a bit rebellious when they don't like something.
By 'one I liked', I mean Nicholas finally came. I had known that the hospital was going through a list of people that had the credentials to watch over me. It was pure luck that Nicholas' turn had come up before some stubborn volunteer refused to leave despite my attempts.
I remembered our time together in the hospital well, and hoped to make our days at my home just as much fun. For a time, it was. Then, I began to notice that I felt differently about Nicholas than I had before. My adoration from my pre-teen years had blossomed into a full crush before I even turned fourteen, and still, he had no idea.
This crush continued to grow as Nicholas and I spent time alone together. To add to my delight, I soon began to notice signs that might have pointed to him liking me in return. Perhaps it was simply wishful thinking, but any chance I had, I was willing to take. I was still fourteen. I had time for a relationship, even according to the doctor's standings.
Thus, I began to try and pursue this romance. I never actually let on that I liked him, not out loud, at least, but I left the signs. For a while, he showed no sign of noticing my subtle advances, but out of the blue one day it all came fitting together. Under a bit of pressure, he admitted to liking me more than a friend, despite his attempts to think of me as a charge that he had watched over on and off for the past four years. Naturally, I was delighted.
I received my first kiss from him a few months before my fifteenth birthday. It was to be my last, as well, but how was I to know that? Even if it was to be my own fault.
It was on my fifteenth birthday that everything went downhill. I began to notice signs of fatigue. My hands would shake, just small tremors, and not be stilled for minutes at a time. Before I knew what was happening... I collapsed.
My heart had finally started to give out, the doctors announced as I woke in the familiar environment of the hospital. I had known this point was coming, had known since I was born, but why? Why, when everything was going so well, did this suddenly have to happen?
I had to undergo surgery. According to the doctors, whatever they did would prolong my life for a while longer, but as to how long, they had no idea. It could be as little as a year - in fact, they predicted as much - but with lucky, I would be able to live happily for a few years yet. If I underwent another surgery at a later point, I might have longer still.
I changed, after that hospital stay. I decided that it was unfair of me to pursue any sort of relationship. My love for Nicholas - for that was what it was, I knew - would only crush him along with my inevitable death. I couldn't bear to do that to him. Wouldn't do that to him. Even if it meant breaking his heart now, it would only be better in the end.
Our relationship ended shortly after I made my decision. I knew he wasn't happy - then again, neither was I - but he knew that what I was doing for the best. He could never know how hard it was for me to finally say it out loud, though. I wouldn't let him know.
I tried to tell myself that I had been fooling myself the entire time. Surely he had just been indulging an ill girl's fantasies. Still... I found myself recalling that first kiss, the emotion behind it. Who was I fooling? I found myself crying for the first time since I had been told what would eventually happen to me, all those years ago. This time, there was no one around to see it. |
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Post by Lara on May 11, 2009 23:49:52 GMT -5
"It's been a while, Mom... I miss you. Happy Mother's Day." Sarah stared down at the small golden pendant she had just removed from around her neck. Gently popping the side, she carefully opened it all the way and stared down at the brightly smiling woman who was looking back at her. Had it really been five years already? Five long years since her mother had passed away...
"I've been doing just what you wanted me to do, Mom! I wish you could see all the things I've found," she said with a small smile, tracing the image of the woman with the tip of her finger. Ever since she was little, she had always come home from her explorations bursting with tales of adventures and things she had seen. And her mom had supported every moment of it, insisting that Sarah make sure to live her life to the fullest, and not regret a second. It had always been an easy enough saying to live by, and had only been enforced further by the sudden accident that had taken her mother away. After all, who knew when you wouldn't be able to fix a past regret, or get a second chance to do something you skipped out on?
She was brought out of her daze by a pull on her hand. The necklace slipped from her grasp as small, sharp teeth tugged it away, towards the ground. "Play!" a high-pitched voice clamored.
She looked down to see the newest addition to her team looking up at her, tail wagging avidly. "Hey, now, that's not a toy. Leave it alone," she said sternly, dropping down to wrestle the chain from the baby Growlithe's mouth.
"Play...?" the fire dog repeated, ears drooping as he relinquished his grip, though his eyes continued to stare up at her with a hopeful gaze.
She seemed to ignore him for a moment or two, an absent-minded expression on her face, still thinking about the past. At another insistent tug, she looked down with a smile that soon turned into a larger grin. "Ha ha, of course we'll play. I'm know Mom'd be even happier to see me having fun than to hear me talk about it." She locked the necklace back into place, tucking it beneath her shirt before ruffling the fur on the puppy's head, jumping up and taking a few steps down the dirt path. "Let's go! Race you~!" The Growlithe took off running, and she was quick to chase after him, laughing all the while.
'Just watch me, Mom. It's going to be great.' |
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