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Post by bijuu. on Aug 12, 2009 9:05:10 GMT -5
First off, I'd like to commend you for being a good sport and taking feedback so well. It's a good attribute to have, and makes it so much easier on us, as well.
As far as Pokémon species go, I can see your point, but as Pokémon aren't animals, per say (see, the word 'animal' isn't capitalized and thus the species more often than not aren't unless you're talking a real specific species, such as Red Panda, or Fennec Fox. Now, you see, the word Pokémon is capitalized (though I know it's for another reason than I'm trying to point out here), but it's just something we prefer no matter what, so if you could change that, it'd be great. In Kairuu, it's as much courtesy to the Pokémon as it is to us, the characters' handlers.
You're more than welcome to try again; we never turn down someone who's willing to make an effort for their application, especially just to join a site. Go ahead and take another whack at it. (:
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Post by Nexie. on Aug 15, 2009 12:10:53 GMT -5
Uh, okey. Basically, all three of these are pretty old, considering I almost never save anything but the introduction ;-; Also, none of them are from Pokémon rps, 'cause i couldn't find any. Soyeah~. I kinda fail xD Uhm. I should post a warning here, because the last one is a) long, b) contains mentions of sex and drugs and c) has lots of swearing. Actually, I think all three have swearing o-o; But, uh, if you want me to find some more tame examples I could give it a go. Though, they'd probably suck even more xD
"We had to do amphibians too. They liked us maiming God's good creatures," Artie giggled, leaning right back into the softness of the sofa. "That, and our science teacher was absolutely stark raving mad. Guy scared the bejesus out of me."
Having to cut anything open was quite a horrifying experience for him. Although he wasn't afraid of death, the ordeal had made him painfully aware of his own mortality. That, and having a painfully overactive imagination conjured up all sorts of awful images; he couldn't look at the dead frog without seeing it squirm and try to crawl away for dear life. Or hear its pained cries. Or something equally sissy.
Staring forlornly at the chess board, the brunette sighed. "I never thought I'd ever say this, but I'm bored of chess. And I want coffee. A fucking lethal amount of coffee, if I get my way." He tapped over his king easily, not caring that he was forsaking his own victory for the most sacred of liquids; in fact, it made him feel rather noble. "I forfeit. Now can we go snitch something to drink from the cafeteria?" He'd been sorely tempted to get that bishop, but greater powers than board games were calling him.
...Eh. He moved his beloved lump of plastic forward (how ironic that the queen was his favourite piece), taking the bishop anyway. Pointless as it was, seeing as the game had technically finished, it just made him all warm and fuzzy inside.
Which reminded him: he had to buy some caffeine pills. Artie had used up the last of his woefully inadequate stock when he'd needed to study for a huge geography test a few days ago. Sadly, he'd also failed to find time in his oh-so busy schedule to go and buy some more. (Actually, he just couldn't really be bothered to brave the cold and wait half an hour for a sodding bus. Pfft. Public transport. It was all disgusting and smelly; as if he'd willingly grace it with his divine presence.)
Laziness was a hereditary disease; it ran riot in the Mac Laggen family. Artie's beloved father, though a skilled and able businessman, was a complete slob when it came to tidying up after himself and the family. Jack was Jack and did sweet fuck all, while Artie was usually blackmailed by his mum into cleaning and organising their depressingly large town house. The only upside were the bleach fumes that he got off his head on whenever he was allowed near the stuff; pretty much everything else about the cleaning process sucked arse. Which is probably the reason as to why Artie's dorm room perpetually looked like it had been hit by a force five hurricane. (And it might as well have been.)
Artie laughed -- i.e. cackled -- insanely, before quieting to a small fit of giggles. "R-Really? You don't know ho-how you scream?" He sobered up a little, something between a shit-eating grin and a smirk on his face. "I would've pegged you down as a screamer, luv."
Stretching out his arms behind his head, he gave a long yawn. He stood up and adjusted his PJs with a sleepy/critical gaze, almost knocking over the chess board in the process (damn... stupid clutz gene).
"What do you think? Cotswold's pretty hot for an old guy, but he's off his rocker. Bloody mental. I wouldn't put it past him to steal a little kid's candy,"-- the epitome of evil, "--plus he's pretty... violent." He fell quiet at this, unpleasant memories resurfacing. He supposed it was just one of those things that wouldn't go away, but would simply remain buried deeply beneath layers of scar tissue formed from fresh memories. Sighing and shaking his head, Artie continued brightly. "So, I'd say... Sharp. She's not really my type... but she's zany and fun. And, added bonus, she's not Cotswold.
"Anyway, wanna go get this cup of coffee? Oh, and would you rather go swimming with tiger sharks, minus the cool cagey thing they give you and a pieces of raw, bloody meat tied to your body, or, have to spend the rest of your life working in an office. Where you can't do any of your co-workers." "Hm?"
The teenager groaned, propping himself up on his arms and squinting in the general direction of the summon. Such a wonderful, hypnotic voice laced with the slightest hint of a telepathic pull was unmistakably Koschei; it was a marvel he hadn't already brainwashed the entire Time Lord race into perfect submission... But, then again, it was Koschei, so it was probably just a matter of time.
Yawning, the lanky Theta rolled his shoulders and heard the obtrusive, pronounced bones readjust with a satisfying crack. Oh well, it was time he made a move anyway; nothing was going to happen if he sat around on his arse all day (even though it was a very nice arse, if he did say so himself).
A shudder, brief and inexplicable ran through his wiry frame, leaving the sensitive nerve endings tingling with a lingering discomfort. Excitement had nothing to do with it and, worried, he allowed his gunmetal-grey gaze to roam across the landscape, shaped brows furrowing in confusion. Biting his full bottom lip lightly, the Gallifreyan warily rose to his steady feet, slowed only by the confining, heavy and clumsy material of his school robes. Nervously, he glanced towards the Academy, only to spy a familiar brunette looking straight at him, piercing gaze sending frigid chills down his spinal column.
Damn Koschei, he knew that stare gave Theta the creeps.
Though, in regular style, he shrugged off the feeling of being a trapped, cornered animal, resuming a more becoming façade; with a large, warm grin and an easy, confident gait, he sauntered across the small field towards his friend.
"What? None of your other playthings about?" Pleasant and soft, his voice almost had a tangible gentleness to it, his lips curling around the words, accentuating the already euphonic discourse with a tell-tale lilt. The manic smile on his face lessened, the corners of his mouth twitching into an expression more jovial and playful as he poked fun at the person he could easily call his best friend.
Theta often found himself musing about the beautiful and widely admired boy; he kept his thoughts in check, like any future Time Lord should, but he just enjoyed thinking about the other, remembering the times they'd shared... The teen let out a wry laugh, his head shaking involuntarily. Maybe the little dictator had brainwashed him? It was well within his abilities, and Theta was a very suggestible person. Koschei's morals, or lack thereof, would have no qualms in bending such an apparently innocent, lonely creature to his unrelenting will.
But Theta trusted Koschei, because he believed that he could never do something that would shatter his trust so finally and surely.
Taking the last few steps to stand lazily by the other's side, he found himself squinting again to shield his eyes from the harsh glare of the twin suns.
"How's life?" It was Theta Sigma's own way of inquiring into a person's well-being, though most seemed to stick to the standard 'how are you?'. To be honest, he'd always preferred the slightly more vague, less serious version that he thought suited him rather well. Rather well indeed. There were lots of reasons as to why Candy enjoyed the attentions of the dealer. Great deals on coke was one of them, and probably the most prominent, but having someone actively seeking him out in the club and paying such wonderful notice to him… It felt good. Really good. His intentions, however sordid they might be, didn’t concern Candy; he didn’t shit where he ate. Physical relations with the rather good-looking blond man would have been out of the question – bordering on the insane – and the chances of things going awry were substantial. For Christ’s sake, the man went to a strip bar – he wasn’t queer by any stretch of the imagination. Unless he turned out to be a closet case, and, if that turned out to be true, Candy wouldn’t have wanted to get involved anyway; those relationships had a tendency to turn nasty.
When Cherub’s hand tucked the hair behind his ear, Candy let a light blush taint his cheeks; it was mostly for show, of course, but there was something to be said for having an attractive man perform something so tender and chaste. Well, maybe tender wasn’t the right word – it was just a damn sight more than he was used to.
“You’re such a sweetheart.” Smiling, he began to search the growing crowd in the club for a familiar brunette waitress in her trademark neon ensemble. Nadine would be a lot more willing than Shelly in this sort of situation, having a few drug dealing friends of her own. He gave a grin when he saw the tall, striking black woman leaving a table on the far side of the room. “Nadine’ll cover me,” he said and turned back to face Cherub, smile still in place. He was just in time to see the trashy addict practically molest the blond man, who looked less than happy at the other’s sudden appearance. The dealer’s quick sleight of hand, discretely swapping the weed for the cash with practiced ease, caught his attention. Now that was cool.
Candy reached over to the bar and picked up her tray of glasses, a little excited at the prospect waiting in the back alley. “I’ll see you there, gotta find Nadine first, though,” winking, he stepped past him with another demure smile.
‘Now, where did Nadine go?’
Glancing around, the tranny found that the girl in question had vanished again. Fan-fucking-tastic. This meant that he’d have to spend the next ten or so minutes searching for her giant ass, delaying the high he knew was waiting for him in the dealer's pocket.
So, being the sensible person he was, Candy decided to cut the annoyance of scouring the crowd by going directly to the place he knew he’d end up: the restrooms.
The toilets were located next to the bar and were only really there for show. Typical of a seedy little strip joint, they were badly looked after and rarely used for their original purpose, standing as the place punters and strippers usually went for a quick one.
Inside the men’s room, Candy could hear muffled grunts from the end stall; wasn’t the first time he’d caught Nadine in the act, and she was used to the short he-she coming to ask favours or tell her news while she was doing something that would make the Vestal Virgins weep into their flowing white robes. Oh, and how did he know it was the pretty Nigerian girl? Simple: she was the only waitress who used the men’s room for this kind of stuff. Each girl had her own turf – made these situations all the more easy.
“Nad? You in there, love?”
There was some shuffling and muttering, before the accented voice of his friend echoed through the small room: “What is it, Candy?” [/i] ‘Poor guy,’ Candy couldn’t help snickering at the man who was probably only halfway through his blowjob. “Can you cover for me?”“Sure thing, hon. Gimme a couple of minutes.”[/i] Not wanting to hear the rest of the proceedings, he cleared out, tray in tow. He waited on her tables for her, out of courtesy, until she was in a suitable state to return to duty. Twenty minutes – and a substantial amount of tip money later; thank god for drunkenness – he was about ready to give up and go outside, when he saw the door to the restrooms swing open and a dishevelled Nadine step out. “I’ma be out back if you need me,” he told her as he walked past, passing on the tray. She smiled and winked with a mouthed ‘Good luck’. Good luck? No thanks, he had all the luck he needed waiting for him in perfect, powdered form. By the exit, Candy was pleased to see that Cherub had waited for him. “Sorry I’m so late,” he gave an apologetic smile – they loved it when you smiled at them –and stood in front of him by the door. “How was boss man?” He eyed the beer, apparently, it had gone well, but asking was only polite. After all, Cherub usually played a fair gentleman to him. Reciprocating the favour was only civil.[/spoiler]
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Post by The Wicked Clam on Aug 15, 2009 17:02:23 GMT -5
I admit that these posts are all from one thread, but they are the most recent posts I could find that I feel portray my skill as a writer. They are a bit old, though, in that regard. I left them completely untouched as to welcome any criticism on them that you may find. Her body language showed him that she was still wary of him. Ghost agreed with her instinctive cautiousness; it was foolish to instantly lower your guard due to another's rush to. She would make quite the interesting test subject indeed. Still, despite her obvious reluctance of his presence, she gave her name in reply to his. Coraline...it had a ring to it. Ghost was sure he would have no problem remembering it. He took another sip of his still-hot tea and allowed himself to succumb to the sensation of the liquid washing over his taste buds before swallowing. Ghost put down the cup and kept his friendly smile as he gazed at her.
"...Coraline...quite beautiful." He complimented. Slowly, he began sowing the seeds of deception within her. As the conversation lengthened, they would slowly bloom and release a weakening spore that would render her mind all but an open book to his snake-like ways. They were more alike than Coraline could possibly comprehend; a physical snake and a mental snake. A dangerous combination and one that Ghost intended to make a reality. She opened her mouth again to speak(which allowed Ghost to note that her sheaths were still raised) and asked a question this time. The contents of the query, however, caught Ghost by surprise. Surely everyone who inhabited this region knew of Team Plasma, even the newcomers. How was it that this girl had a Pokémon and yet knew nothing of the people who oppressed an entire country.
"I'm surprised you haven't met any of us yet, let alone heard of us. Team Plasma is the organization that I work for; a group of highly powerful people who currently control most, if not all, of Anrui. We are the government, the police force, and even the owners of this extravagant and quiet little Café we both find ourselves in. We are everywhere..." Ghost responded. As he recited the same 'intimidating' speech that he was given once he had become a full fledged member of Team Plasma, he decided to plan his next move. Since they were on the subject of Team Plasma, perhaps Ghost would play off of her disdain of their oppressive laws and show her just how much they agreed on such simple things. Hopefully it would at least let her drop her physical guard, thus making her mental walls easier to break through.
"Long before I joined up with them, Team Plasma deemed Pokémon Trainers dangerous and the art of practice intolerable to those outside of their ranks. Now it is a banned trade, but thrives more so because of such a state. Honestly, I never agreed with such views; restricting permission to train pokémon to just themselves show how many cowards and fools work for Team Plasma. I feel that those who prove themselves to be worthy Trainers should be allowed to train them. Who knows, perhaps one of these 'worthy' Trainers might change things around in this region." He said, looking directly into her eyes as he uttered the last sentence.
Another seed had just been planted. His smile broadened as a few chuckles escaped the clutches of his slightly parted mouth. Coraline was proving to be quite an amusing person. He had intended her to react to his emphasized sentence, but not in the manner in which she just did. If he didn't know any better, Ghost could have sworn she was playing with him in some manner he couldn't perceive. Unfortunately, Ghost never swore because he didn't believe in swearing; it showed that he couldn't believe in himself to accept what he knew was true, which in itself showed weakness of character. Ghost's character could never be weakened, or at least it couldn't afford to be. He had too much at stake.
"Isn't it obvious? The puzzle pieces fit perfectly; an ambitious girl looking to carry on a forsaken tradition, a member of the only obstacle that stands in her way with views too broad to be restricted by pathetic cowardice, and the meeting of these two compatible individuals." Ghost answered. His eyes never left hers, instead taking the opportunity to try and delve into their inviting darkness. There was something of a promiscuous overlay to them, but the true feelings that gave her irises such a glow was curiosity. His words had her mind racing to comprehend his intentions and piece together the scenario laid out before her. This was the obvious explanation for her constant questions.
His smile sat perfectly against his lips as he realized he was slowly watching his seeds blossom into the flowers of corruption. He was starting to lead her in, but it had taken much less manipulation than he intended to use. In fact, he had hardly used his unique gift of persuasion at all. Coraline simply seemed intrigued by his very being. His multilayered personality proved a riddle that she just had to solve, and Ghost understood her unspoken sentiments better than many would think. All of his past followers were not persuaded with promises of power and riches; some simply found him to be a truly mysterious existence and felt compelled to follow him in hopes of discovering what his purpose in life was. Sadly, most of them died before they could even come close, either by his hand or an enemy's.
She held factors, however, that might protect her from this pattern.
"As for why I follow those I do not believe in? Some of the reasons are my own and will not share at this point in time, but one I can let you know plainly enough: curiosity. I want to know just how strong a hold they have on this country and the true reasons behind their unorthodox actions and laws. Our Administrators are incompetent beings working for their own personal causes; they couldn't possibly help me answer the questions I joined with. Sadly, they are the only high-ranking members of Team Plasma who show their face publicly. The others cannot be reached at my level, especially in the case of our enigma of a leader, and so...I must work with those I disagree with to satisfy my craving for knowledge on this situation." He explained. He spoke no lies during the entirety of his answer to her later question; at this point, there would be no point to. Ghost saw that Coraline wasn't the type to make things problematic by reporting him to his superiors; she clearly detested his organization. Now, though, was the time to address the main point of his mind games.
"Does that suffice for an answer, Coraline, or shall you attempt to uproot my personal reasons and take our newly established relationship to the next level? After all, I'd have to know if you are with me before I fill you in completely. And yes, I am aware that I haven't told you enough to logically commit to whatever it is I am referring to, but that's the point of this question. If you can swallow your logic and blindly dedicate yourself to this unknown cause, you will have proven to me you are the right person to help me." Ghost continued. Finally, he had used every mental prowess in his possession to construct a persuasively hypnotizing question that would determine Coraline's alliance. Deciding to ensure he reached her, he leaned over slightly and let his eyes swim with unmasked passion and comfort as he uttered one final sentence.
"Don't prove me wrong." The already broad smile that sat upon Ghost's lips seemed to widen even more as her whispered words reached his ears. She had dedicated herself to him completely and had yet to even know his plan in all its entirety. A soft chuckle escaped his parted mouth as he took another refreshing sip from his now lukewarm cup of tea. He let the liquid sit in his mouth, savoring the taste before finally swallowing the mouthful and returning his attention to Coraline. Though her eyes continued to gaze into his, she shifted herself and began to read as uncomfortable body language wise. He tilted his head slightly, but did not question the change in stature and leaned back into his chair instead.
The important thing was that, whether she knew it or not, Ghost had obtained the apprentice he had been searching for. A follower whom he could bestow his dark secrets upon and help them grow and mature in the shadows. Ghost was becoming more and more powerful as his stay in Anrui lengthened, but he knew that he would never be able to take this region by the throat without the help of an equally powerful and resourceful 'partner'. That was where Coraline came in. She would be slowly transformed into the very visage of darkness that Ghost needed to help aid in his conquest; willing or by force was yet to be determined. He propped his elbows upon the table and linked his fingers together in front of his face as he sat up allowed his violet-red eyes to stare at Coraline unflinchingly. She was a bit rough around the edges, but Ghost had a great deal of time to mold her into something more. Something that resided deep within her, but only needed to be drawn out into the open.
He let his tongue roll over his lips to add moisture to their dry surface before speaking. "I knew you wouldn't, Coraline. Despite our short time together, I've come to learn a great deal about you. You are the only person who could accomplish what I need accomplished and that is why we are here today. It is our destiny to be together on this and one must never fight fate." Ghost stated. He had a habit of ensnaring his listeners with words of grandeur and refinement; his vocabulary was vast and ever-expanding. That and his natural ability to influence others by simply uttering words only enhanced his ability to seemingly hypnotize those he spoke with to doing anything and everything he asked of them. It was a gift that had led him to being one of the most feared and revered men in Johto and the same would be said of his exploits here in Anrui. With Coraline at his side, Ghost would have no problem lifting his name into the ranks of legend.
"Sadly, this place is much too...public for us to discuss my plan in detail, but I will let you know the main purpose for which you have dedicated yourself to: together, we are going to rule all of Anrui." Ghost finished, his last sentence coming out in a whispered hiss. He stood up and tossed the empty container that once held his tea into the trash bin before walking towards the exit. He stopped near the door and turned to let one fiery orb look back at Coraline. Ghost's lifted a hand and beckoned her to follow with a simple gesture of the fingers as he opened the glass door and walked into the cool night that waited to greet them.
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Post by Dev on Aug 16, 2009 17:01:13 GMT -5
I really want to get better at writing, so here I am. I have a few samples, if they aren't good enough I'd be happy to write some more, I'm good at taking criticism.
The first post I wrote yesterday, It's kind of short? along with the third one.
The second one is from a vampire roleplay site, the third one is from a few months ago.
so yee
The ominous voice roared through the route as Jay was taken aback, he didn’t expect other people to be there. It was usually wild Pokémon after wild Pok?mon, he was getting used to being alone. In the distance, a figure could be scene, it was hazy and then at once the legendary dog Pokémon showed its face. Jay jumped as he looked at Kaen, the shiny blaziken quickly leapt in front of his trainer, knowing that Jay wouldn’t have been able to protect himself from such a strong and powerful Pok?mon, Kaen was able to sense the strength emitting from its opponent, although something was off about the Pokémon.
”Oh, haha. You scared me slightly.” he laughed, he couldn’t see the face of the trainer but it was only obvious they were either masters training here or heading to the Pokémon league. He couldn’t put his finger on it but something wasn’t right about this whole thing.
”A battle, of course.” Jay smirked, his facial expressions were a bit curious on who this lady was but regardless having a Raikou must have been quite a feat and a true sign of power on her part. ”Kaen, Bulk-Up then use Blaze Kick!” his mind rushed remembering his own Electivire’s weaknesses and strengths, flying types weren’t that strong against them. ’damn’ he thought, although in his gut he knew that Kaen was a powerful fire-type and had small doubt that this would be a losing battle but then again, Jay was one cocky douche bag.
The Blaziken started off by clutching its fist, his muscles clenched tight as they grew slowly causing his attack and defense to rise. Kaen then attacked, his feet blazed with glory as he ran closer to the Raikou, once he got close enough he attempted to leap into the air. The fighting type was up above the electric type looking down at the Raikou and aimed its blaze kick to hit Raikou on the top of its neck letting gravity pull him down.
The one thing about being a twin is that you were ridiculously close, sending messages was able a plus but he enjoyed being in his own mind as well, if he shared every thought with Zara, she might go insane. Some of the twisted things that roamed in Alec’s mind when he was under the influence were questionable psychotic. His magnolia skin gave a pale look in the water; he made a note that he needed to get a tan as soon as possible. A break was well deserved as he pushed off the floor heading toward the hot tub. His feet dangled in the hot water, the odd sensation of cold and hot water mixed creating a lukewarm feeling in his toes. ”Hm?” he said out loud, it seemed like Zara was coming. The process of the mind was a wonder, in the beginning of the connection it was weird in trying to realize what the hell was going on. A second person sending messages via brain lengths toward each other used to give Alec headaches but now it was second nature. It’s like talking and thinking, a separate link in which we can share with each other still giving the other their mind to think freely.
His arms rested on the side of the hot tub as his body slowly sunk into the water, allowing Alec to wallow in the water as well as thought. It was amazing but Alec was still a virgin, the same vampires for the past few hundred years didn’t interest him and he was born a vampire, not having that human life that everyone else had. He heard rumors of vampires doing it with humans and when they were finished the human partner had bruises all over their body, of course this came from someone who was probably vicious and pushed the human above their limits. Alec couldn’t understand why these thoughts came to him, but then he realized that a few of the human girls intrigued him, Beauregard and Beck especially, they had a sense of innocence towards them, which drove Alec crazy. In middle of his thoughts his twin busted into the pool area throwing her brother off. ”shit Zara.” he mumbled as he was spooked slightly, his senses usually a lot better. Alec hopped out of the hot tub and ran his smooth fingers in his hair trying to get some of the water out.
”What brings you here? I thought you hated the water.” he mused; did she have something important to talk about? Or was she just sick of being alone, it was almost one in the morning luckily a weekend. Alec was never sure if Zara needed his help, but if she truly did she would’ve sent something to him, shrugging it off Alec slipped into the pool, the pool itself was a lot warmer then the outside air. The tingling sensation overcame his body as he rested his hands on the side of the pool, and his head on his arms. His head tilted slightly looking at his twin, ”So, since we’re alone or well it seems we’re alone.” Alec spoke with a smirk on his face; his powers were slightly out of use. ”Tell me.” he then said, he wanted to make sure that no one was around, his senses were a little better then humans and he was almost certain no one was around. ”Okay, well. Tell me, the humans. Do you fancy any of them?” some of his terminology was far off, being alive for more then 400 years did that to you, at times he asked to use the ‘privichamber’ and caught himself in mid-sentence, coughing slightly making sure no one caught that. Alec was curious because, if his sister did he could like one as well, and possibly pursue something with them.
The other thing would be that Alec would need to be careful, romance with a human was a scary thing and always lead to biting the human tasting their blood, and without enough self-control it lead to death. The teen had no prior experience with love and humans but he knew he could control himself, or at least he hoped. As one of the oldest vampires on school grounds, he saw a lot happen during his time here and knew the mistakes that the others had made.
’err’ he thought to himself, he felt like he was dragging on but it had been bothering him since the beginning of school, the humans outnumbered the vampires in this school easily and it bothered him how careless one of his own kind could be. He didn’t want to tell his sister yet that he liked one of them, or well two of them. His options were still open, it was time for him to be a little more rebellious and a little less dependable.
”Always remember the basics.” he spoke to Zara in a terse matter, always wanting to get straight to the point. Kien was over her haughty attitude. Quickly he decided this was not the time to attempt anything stupid and he would have to get close to her through another method, alcohol. He was a pretty good partier coming from California; he knew how to out drink a few people, not that he’d brag about such things. His goal was to just get through high school with his grades as high as they could be so he’d get a better chance to succeed in college. However, he knew that if he weren’t crazy and outrageous during High School or College, when would he be? Your teenage years is when you’re supposed to do crazy shit and get away with it, can you picture a forty year old partying until he pukes? Not in his lifetime.
The project was actually working, his sections were pretty concise and was sent over to Zara, he worked with an agitated look on his face not really knowing what he should do to win her over. She had an innocent face, which emitted a certain type of beauty; he wanted to get closer to her for some strange reason. Almost an opposite attracts ordeal, but without the dirty biker boy and the peppy obnoxious cheerleader. They finished up pretty quickly as Kien yawned, he always was tired but he liked life way to much to sleep, he would probably go out when they were done. ”That’s pretty lame, by yourself?” he didn’t believe her, going out by yourself wasn’t safe, rapists and such caused problems for everyone, and girls were known for going out in packs. Apparently safety in numbers did work. ”Looks like we’re done here.” a happy singsong tone was released as they finished off pretty quickly, he sent all his slides to her on her computer as he grabbed his backpack and waited for her to get out of the classroom, somewhat of a gentlemen he would wait, kind of who he was as a person. Ironically enough, he was a gentlemen partier who was a flirt. Odd combination.
”You sure you don’t want to head out together?” he asked, it wasn’t really a choice for her. He would follow her regardless; he really liked her and would continue until he got somewhere. At first, he thought she was just a bitch but after spending some time with her, she was still a bitch but there was something about her that picked at his brain. She was like a tick which made him more curious, almost as if she was the Delilah to his Samson without the long hair cutting snipped because Delilah was a bitch, there wasn’t a source to his pride but his ego and that was something he would never get stripped. ”I promise I don’t bite.” a smile illuminated his face as he clutched onto his bag, a nervous habit that would probably stay with him forever. He waited for her answer as he looked at the room, he wished it was destroyed by their rigorous make out session but alas, that session was only in his mind.
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Post by bijuu. on Aug 17, 2009 10:40:08 GMT -5
Okay, so first off you're all welcome to kick me for taking so bloody long; I was banned off the computer for several days, and then was either too tired/lazy to read. I wanted to be at my best before I tackled these. Here I go.
Nexie.
Oh. My. God.
Honestly? I couldn't find one damn thing to correct in your samples; you, my friend, are a God, capitalized and italicized. I adore your writing style, and especially the dialogue and jibes you make within the post. It makes your posts an intriguing read, and keeps the reader's attention for the whole time.
In short, I've found nothing to correct or improve in these three posts, and hey, there's no need to worry about sexual/drug/alcohol innuendos. Kairuu's full of 'em.
Anyway, welcome to Kairuu! I'm definitely gonna want to roleplay with you sometime!
Accepted.
You're free to go and create a character; Alli may be AWOL for some time, so you don't need to wait for her to post here. She can add to this if she likes once she does appear.
Clam
Your posting structure is very neat and interesting to read; the only real thing I needed to nitpick at was the way you end dialogue, and I think Alli addressed that with someone's examples already. Generally "Dialogue here," he said is correct. Now, if you decide to include an action apart from the dialogue, it should be something like this.. "Dialogue here. He seemed unconvinced. That's the only real thing that had anything wrong with it, and it's a very minor thing. So, on my part, you're accepted.
Dev
I've had experience with your roleplaying already, and I know you're a hard worker, and willing to improve, so I'm going to go by my own experiences as well as what I'm reading here. The only problems with your writing are an excessive use of commas, and perhaps forgetting to capitalize some dialogue. Excessive commas make for run-on sentences and they get kind of confusing to read after a while, so work on splitting the sentences up and such. (:
Also, I don't know if it was just because you copypasta'd the posts or not, but dialogue should be bolded here on Kairuu; most people also like giving their characters a unique HEX code colour that they post with. Since Pokémon also speak, it's a lot easier on mods and whoever else may be reading the posts to distinguish who's speaking, instead of having to separate dialogue and determine who it belongs to.
That aside, you're accepted.
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Post by Pokeapache on Aug 23, 2009 21:23:28 GMT -5
Right well... Err. XD This may end badly. I was actually quite terrified of this for the first 12 or so hours of looking at this... trying to relax a bit. Unfortunately... I have no Pok?mon Trainer roleplay samples[the last Pok?mon Trainer site I was on went into Maintenance Mode without much warning... still waiting for it to re-open. =/]- the Pok?mon samples I have are VERY old. The first two are fairly old... ^^; But I haven't improved... too much. Mostly because I haven't felt the need to... -cringes- I am hoping, however, that I will improve with time here, if I get accepted and are allowed the chance to. xD Also, to give you guys an idea of the whole setting- they're from a fantasy wolf forum >> << >> Most wolves had wings there, and were oddly colored and yeaahh. ^^; That site was where most of my more "literate" posts were, so my best examples are there... Anyway~... I haven't... Seriously roleplayed in a while. I'm literally starting to die from it. As a final note, the last one is from a MSN roleplay... To be honest we were "reworking" past bits of our roleplay, me and my friend. Also, I want to add that this is more recent... But also rushed. On MSN, obviously, quality is sacrificed a bit for time and fun ^^; Wynter's black ears twitched softly, his fur brushed by the fingers of the wind, he would have stiffened, if he hadn't been so pressed down by confusion and so numb. There was Mira- a wolf he had yet to know of as his Alphess, she spoke to him- so questioning... so demanding. He had not an answer to give her, and only stared at her with blank, navy blue eyes. Void of any emotion, so long as he tried to keep his secrets from them. They couldn't understand... they wouldn't want to. He would have whimpered, if he had any of a voice at all.
Then the black wolf. Who knew so much- like she was his shadow who had lived with him for so long. He felt like he couldn't breath now- as she spoke, giddy and playful. Crazy, probably. He had no idea how to react to someone who knew him so well. She spoke of his murders, and his paws twisted against the ground, his pelt staying close to Nynx, so he wouldn't loose her and his sanity.
A few choice words hit him hard to home. "Tell me murderer, do you like children?" He had a voice again- and it only worked in a whimper- he breathed out the soft, panicked note, closing his eyes. Not a pup! The wolf was just grown up- not a pup. I... I don't like... I wouldn't hurt... What could he say? How could he answer? What could any wolf say? He was merely a cannibal. It was his life- he wasn't dangerous! Not to the pups... It clicked in his head now who the bossy female wolf was... Her pups. She was Lucid's mate. His fur prickled, and his head dipped lower, his eyes opening and gazing at her.
She was a creamy white, with dark eyes and no wings, quite like Nynx in that way of looking at it. All though, she was nothing compared to her at the same time. His love was so much more, so more brilliant. She was small, but her frame held strength to it, something that made him even more nervous, though he tried his best not to show it. She was a mom- and from what he knew... Mothers could be the most dangerous of anything. The shadow-wolf had left by now, and he had given her no answer. He blinked once, stretching out his wings and re-tucking them, and he moved his midnight blue eyes to stare at Nynx. She wouldn't abandon him, would she?
He looked back to the Alphess, gathering his strength. He raised his head only slightly, trying to seem proud, but kept it low- he was still an omega to this pack. "I smell of blood, because I hunted before I came here, so I would not hunt upon these lands." That was truthful- he wouldn't lie to them. But... How could he tell them? Surely if they knew, they would make him leave. And he didn't want to leave, he didn't want to do anything to separate himself from Nynx. [Also, this post had colored words too, but they were a light, light blue so they wouldn't show up very well ^^;; Also! Silly wolf-forum terms... xD I hope they don't sound ridiculous- I know that I found them odd at first and I don't know if any of you have roleplayed in a similar way... with the odd terms >> << >>] The fae that approached made Stray’s audits twirl as he picked up the sound. The wind blew in the wrong direction for him to pick up her scent, so for a long moment he did not move. He only stared more attentively at the black brute of muscle in front of him. When she was close enough that the scent came to his nose even in the slightest of breezes, he turned his head.
And there she was. She was pure white, like snow- her fur hung lightly on her. She looked as if, perhaps, if he were to touch her, she would be just as fluffy and light as the white flurry from the sky. He wondered, if she got too warm, she would melt. The thought was amusing, but he brushed it away silently. She had golden markings, which betrayed the snowy look and reminded him of his Goddess, Samara, and her markings. Although she had none that were such a brilliant shade, they were just as mystical. She had large, amazing golden wings- he could not find anything to compare them too, for he knew of no such creature to have such a bright flash of color among their wings. She had a large tail, which was poofy and looked just as soft, if not softer, and it was something that would have made a perfect safety blanket for pups, if she ever became a mother. Her fierce blue eyes burned her with what was sadness, and he felt the pain in his own heart- this was a pack member. He could tell, he had noticed her scent before.
He didn't count on looks. He didn't accept wolves for looks(though, to note, he accepted things about wolves, which was another matter completely.). He most certainly didn't think her higher for her Goddess like appearance- glancing at Rhage, looks were deceiving here- and he certainly did not let any feelings about those pretty and flashy looks interject into his minds. No, this was a serious matter, he could not find her... Mate-worthy. He didn't need a mate, that was ridiculous. He didn't care for any wolf in that manor, it wasn't part of his personality. But she was beautiful, he could accept that, even if it was the only thing he did accept.
She also seemed so nice, even before she spoke. She had that air to her. Probably some weird trait these gifted wolves had or something. He accepted it and thought nothing more of the subject. His head dipped only slightly in greeting, ducking it low enough to show he respected her for all it was worth as she stated her Beta position. He raised it again as she clarified the fact that her alpha had indeed gone missing. More pity, more sadness. His face turned cold and serious- he had to be with such matters, he couldn’t even let his carefree side show in the slightest. After all, this was a serious matter. He glanced at the black-coated wolf, who probably would be taller than him even if he slouched and Stray stood as tall as he could without resorting to pushing up on his back legs. He preferred being larger than others by far, it was annoying to have that crimson gaze blazing down at him, pushing him down like a downpour of rain. Flaming rain. He wagged his tail some more, and turned his spring-green eyes back to the pure snow and blinding gold femme.
In any other situation, he knew he would find himself giving his carefree, puppy-like grin to her, if only he had not heard such horrible news. But, he had made up his mind. He had not waited all day at the boarder to find a pack member– and she seemed so sweet- only to be scared away by her words. No, he was cursed himself, cursed to run from his home and give up all hope on being the Alpha he was born to be. Perhaps, though, this cursed land would only accept him because he shared a curse so likewise. Perhaps, the land would accept him as Alpha. But staring at this beautiful she-wolf, he knew he should only wait to see how to go about that. He was new to this land after all, and he would not make a single mistake in his duty to serve this pack. If he had made one already, he would only make sure to correct it.
He nodded softly, dipping his head even less lower this time, and held himself high- the brute next to him had not said a thing about taking Alpha, and he doubted there would be hesitation if he wanted to be alpha. He was larger, he would have no problem getting what he wanted. He took a breath. Pick your words carefully, Stray, he told himself.
“I have come to join this pack, to be apart of this wonderful place. If it is cursed, as you say, then I shall endure it for the sake of this pack.” He stopped again, picking more words. Proper words. Words that would not show how ambitious he was to take Alpha… He would take his time, he would take the position if it was needed, and only if it was needed. “I have traveled far from my birthplace to find my home, and I have found it... That is, if you, Masina, since you are Beta- curious, why haven’t you taken Alpha yet?-” He interjected that thought as he was truly curious, letting his voice drop to show he meant it only as a minor thought, something he wasn’t demanding an answer to, “will you let me, Stray Voices, join your pack?” It was a dead end. Metaphorically and literally, for the girl. A cunning smile rose on William's face, as he ran through the ideas in his head. "Oh, Sly..." His voice was soothing and calm, as if speaking to a small, lost child. That was all that she appeared like, the girl with the black bunches.
Who was he kidding? His eyes, silver with the magic in his blood, narrowed. If looks could kill. His tone sharp, he commanded, "Just listen, alright?" He held off a laugh, there was plenty of time for mocking to come. His hand was alit with bright, silvery magic, brushing his thumb along the ends of his other finger tips- sparking off small strands that danced with his secret glee. "You know what to do, so behave and we won't have a problem, now will we? I'm sure it won't be that bad." He grinned, as confident as murder holding a gun to someone's head... Only death would have been a better fate.
"Where shall we start?" To be honest, he already knew what he was going to do. He practically rehearsed it in his sleep, the strings he held swirling toward her, like snakes. When they drew close, they snapped out, lashing at Sly. "Sly, you will do exactly as I say without hesitation." He always started with this. It was the base ground for any binding he knew of. He kept his voice even, clear and cold. She would hear every damnation of her future.
Then, of course, if he had time, he would add to his bindings. The cold, silver magic was already blocking and freezing her mind. "In addition to being completely obedient, you must call me Master when addressing me. You can not speak until I allow so, and every time you see me and wish to say something, you must grovel at my feet... Is that within your attention span, Sly?" He was fairly sure that the magic would clear up any problems with misunderstanding. He closed his hand, with that- liking to keep it simple and flexible.
The magic that flowed from his hand to Sly shimmered again, the tendrils shining with power. The wisps of magic faded as he opened in hand to show a very simple silver ring. He pushed it onto his finger, so it would be in sight, but just as safe. There were plenty of things he could have attached the binding to- along with many other ways of binding itself- but this was what he had fancied at the moment. "Right then." He snapped his fingers, and waited for her to recover from the initial shock.
This last one might be confusing too- if it is, I'm sorry! ^^;;;; Ugh, see, in this roleplay there was a magic spell-like thing called binding which made people do whatever you said and that's kind of what's going on << >> << It's hard to explain so I hope it isn't like "woahmygod" confusing. ^^;;;; ...Yeahh ^^;;;;; ... -scampers under a rock- ^^;;;;;;;
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Post by bijuu. on Aug 25, 2009 9:54:51 GMT -5
Sorry, again, for taking so long to get to this.. -/shot-
Apache
The general structure of your posts is very good. The only thing I had a real problem with was the wolfspeak - I could never stand it, so pleasepleaseplease don't use any here or I might get not-so-nice. x) You also seem to have a tendency to split sentences that ought to be separated by commas with periods, and it makes the reading choppy at times, but that's easily fixed. Same thing with commas; some of your sentences ought to be split with periods or semicolons, so don't be afraid to deviate. xD
I don't know if it was just your copy-pasting, but dialogue should definitely be bolded and colored here on Kairuu, namely because Pokémon speak as well, so it gets confusing if all speech is black.
Those small things aside, your style is excellent, and I'm sure you'll improve here.
Accepted.
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Kit
Newcomer
Posts: 5
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Post by Kit on Aug 27, 2009 12:22:11 GMT -5
Trying again! :P Fingers crossed. It's probably still not up to standard, but... Worth a try, I guess. c:
She was a mere seventeen years old and had only had her Pokémon for a few months but had made her way into the final round of the tournament determining the future admin of the Resistance. This made her one of the strongest trainers in the region.
Cancer smirked to herself as she thought of this, ignoring the fact that it was solely down to a series of disqualifications that had resulted in her continuing on. She had done very well and she was feeling particularly happy about this because she'd also managed to find the bar in the Hideout. She was sitting on a stool, leaning on the bar with one hand and sipping from a martini. She'd only had a couple, but was feeling decidedly merry.
She glanced up at the clock, gasping as she realised that it was time for the tournament battle to begin. She cursed under her breath, causing her Pok?mon, a sweet little Ditto named Acid, to look up and chirp nervously. Cancer downed the remainder of her drink and plucked out the olive with her long, carefully painted nails. She slipped it into her mouth before bending down and lifting the Ditto from the ground.
"Time to kick some ass, cutie." She purred to her Pok?mon, beaming at him as she quickly strode towards the arena. It wasn't far and she blamed her long legs for why she walked fast. She pushed open the doors to the battlefield and let out a shriek.
She had not been expecting the sandstorm, and in a typically vain Cancer-esque move had retreated backwards. She shot a furious glare outside, before running a hand through her hair, of which an entire beach seemed to have found itself. She groaned; she'd only been outside for a few moments. She sighed angrily. At least it wasn't raining, but the storm would be likely to damage her Ditto.
She frowned, placing her Pokémon into her cardigan pocket as she scooped her hair into a loose bun. Hair that was the length of hers would be lethal in a ponytail and in this wind. "Urgh, I can't believe we have to battle in that." She hissed, after tightening her eyepatch. She definitely didn't want that flying off in the middle of the battle. She glanced outside once more, taking her Ditto and holding it close, already sympathising.
"Sweetie, I want you to give it your best, alright?" She spoke to the Ditto, who nodded feverishly. She smiled at the Pokémon before entering the arena. She squinted, already knowing that it was going to be a difficult battle, even before she spotted Vivian. She studied her for a few moments, trying to remember where she'd seen her before. It came to her before long - they'd battled and Cancer had lost. Quite badly.
She frowned at the memory and her Ditto seemed to recognise the Luxray too. It'd squeaked excitedly, leaping out of the trainer's pocket and wincing at the sand. It was rather painful. It slithered towards the Pok?mon, transforming while journeying. Cancer looked down to it, her vision slightly impaired by the alcohol she'd recently consumed.
"Hello, Vivian." She said, nodding a greeting. "You okay?" She expected the female to remember her. I mean, who could forget her? She smirked slightly, glancing down at the Luxray duplicate by her legs. Acid let out a friendly noise, its tail wagging slightly at the girl and her Pokémon.
Cancer placed her hands on her hips, preparing to battle. She wanted to win this. Okay, she didn't care about becoming the new admin of the Resistance. It looked like far too much work and seemed rather, well, boring. She wanted to be able to go out and party whenever she wanted! Of course, the reason she wanted to win was much more superficial. She wanted the Lapras that was offered as a prize and she was determined to get it. She entered the training hall with a look of mild annoyance, a cigarette between her pink lips. Her long hair tickled the small of her back as she paused by the door, looking around. Indeed, the training room was full of people who were probably training for the tournement. Cancer herself had plans of entering, although she needed to capture more Pokémon prior to joining in. She had little chance of winning, but she saw it as a way to get more experience and maybe even meet some new people. She'd not met many since she'd started and desired human company.
She had had company, of course, in the form of a small, reptilian Pokémon that she'd received from the laboratory not too long before. The creature was currently stationary in a small red and white orb that was safely kept in the female's lacy black bra. The Charmander was fairly low levelled and required training up so she'd come to the training centre in the hopes that it would benefit her greatly.
She took another deep draw of her cigarette before crushing it out and flicking it out of the door. She entered properly, glancing around with a smile. Her hand lifted to her hair, flicking strands out of her turquoise eye. She glanced around, vaguely aware that someone had to be looking at her. Of course, she was a highly attractive young girl. Training was a career that generally suited males and so, when a trainer as gorgeous as her herself entered their mists. Well... She smirked to herself, coyly flicking her hair for anyone who happened to be looking.
A few quick glances around the room told her that there was no one in her to suit her interests. She snorted; typical. Oh well, might as well do what she came here to do. She sighed with a hint of impatience, before walking up to a a door. She glanced at the text on the wall before shrugging. She only had the one Pokémon but surely that was all she needed. She entered, ignoring the sharp calls from a woman at a desk.
She glanced around; raising her meticulously plucked eyebrows and seemingly impressed. It looked very similar to the gym in Goldenrod where her friend Whitney had been Gym Leader. Her eye fell on the small child in the corner. She smirked to herself.
The kid had short blonde hair, looked barely old enough to be allowed into town all by himself. His clothes were large and baggy and Cancer thought he looked rather weak; a youngster like him must be a rookie. Although she was fairly new at training, she had to be better than someone so young.
"Hey kid." She growled, her high heels clicking as she walked over to the designated area. She stood opposite him, rummaging in her bag for something. She removed a blue box of cigarettes and placed one in between her lips. She placed her hands in her pockets, searching for a lighter. Unable to find one, she frowned. "Hey, you got a lig-" She stopped herself; of course he wouldn't. Nevermind.
She reached into her bra, removing the Pokéball. "Right, kid." She muttered, glancing him up and down, "I only have the one decent Pok?mon, so we're gonna have a one on one battle, alright?" Her eyes fell on the Eevee and she gasped. How had she not noticed it before? A small wave of greed rushed over her, "Where did you get that?" She purred, stepping forwards. She sneered, "You wouldn't want to trade that for a cute little Azurill? A boy like you wouldn't want a wussy Pokémon like an Eevee, would you?"
While waiting for his reply, she released her own Pokémon. "Novacaine, c'mere." She murmured, placing the cigarette back between her lips. She bent down next to the Charmander who looked rather confused. She lifted his tail, causing the Pokémon to jump at her touch, before releasing a cry of surprise as she used the flame to light her fag. Taking a deep breath, Cancer stood up and placed a hand on her hip, ignoring any 'no smoking' signs. She stared at the boy for a few moments, hoping to intimidate him slightly. She blew out a small cloud of smoke sighing happily.
"Novacaine, when he chooses his Pok?mon, I want you to start off with an ember attack. Make sure you strike first." She hissed. The Charmander nodded and trotted forwards a few steps, calling out a, "Char char!" to the other Pokémon. He tensed himself, waiting for the other trainer to send out a Pokémon. As soon as it entered the battlefield, he would race forwards with his fire type attack. A speedy start should mean a quick defeat. Right?
Cancer smirked at the boy, "Well?" She hissed, "Hurry up." "Hello!" Cancer blinked a few times, hearing the voice over her headphones. She removed them from her ears and paused for a moment. The Charmander looked somewhat excited at the girl - she seemed a lot friendlier than his trainer. He let out a happy "Char char!" and beamed at the Sentret, wagging his tail slightly. Before Cancer had time to register what was happening, the child spoke again, "Hey! Hey lady! Lady! Hellooo? Are you listening to me? Is this your Pok?mon, lady?"
Confused, the drunken teen pulled a face of utter confusion, before lifting herself up to a sitting position using the bench as support. She adjusted her eyepatch as it had almost slipped and revealed the nasty scars underneath. That just wouldn't do - no one should see such a disgusting part of herself. Much easier to pretend it didn't exist. Nevertheless, Cancer was feeling utterly bewildered at the young girl in front of her.
"Uh." She grunted, staring at her through her single good eye. After a few moments her brain made sense of the words and she nodded, "Yeahhh, this is my Charmander, Novacaine." She said slowly and nodded, rubbing her head. Why was there a child here? She absent-mindedly picked up the bottle and shook it before realising it was empty. She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration.
"Piss.." She murmured, before twisting around to lift her pink bag off the bench. She looked through it, apparently looking for something more to drink. She pulled out a bottle of beer and crinkled her nose, "I don't even like beer." She muttered but regardless of her opinions, she clamped her teeth around the neck and pulled off the top. Her Charmander turned it's attention away from the Sentret for a moment to study his trainer. She was a strange thing.
Cancer poured some down her throat before glancing back at the child. "Are you still here?" She growled slightly. "Whaddya want?" She grunted, crossing her arms and hoping the child would go away. She'd never liked children, especially when she was alone with one. Kids were horrible things. They were always messy and unruly and having them did nothing good and ruined your figure forever. Nope, Cancer thought to herself, I am never having children.
A familiar scent reached her nostrils and she smiled for a moment, before cravings overcame her. Never one to deny herself her temptations, she placed the bottle on the ground next to her and dived back into her bag. She removed a blue box and pulled out one of the sticks inside. She placed in between her lips and began searching through her bag and her pockets.
"Damnit!" She hissed, frowning in annoyance. How did she manage to lose so many lighters? She sighed, glancing at her Charmander. Oh, she really didn't want to have to light up off his tail again. She'd done it a couple of times without issue, but the last time she did, she'd nearly set her gorgeous hair alight. Not good.
She looked up and spotted the female with the Vileplume. She grinned and got to her feet, flinging the bag over her shoulder and takin a few steps towards her. Despite her obvious drunken state, she walked remarkably well - obviously well practised. And, not quite paralytic. The Charmander followed her obediently, looking at the Vileplume nervously. It looked pretty strong... He hoped he wouldn't have to fight it.
"Hey, sweetie. Oooh, nice Vileplume." She cooed slightly, smiling at the Pokémon. She'd always been fond of poison types and actually wanted a Vileplume of her own. "You got a lighter?" She asked, eyeing up the cigarette in her hands. Delilah waited nervously at the door for a few long minutes. She looked around while she stood, rocking backwards on her heels as she studied the pretty garden outside. It looked reasonably well cared for, most likely by the elderly couple. She studied the rose bushes for a time, smiling at their white colouring. They were really quite pretty. She wondered how much time the couple would have to tend their garden if they were constantly looking after young Pokémon. She suddenly froze as a terrible thought crossed her mind. What if this was the wrong house?
She wheeled around, feeling slightly panicked. Had she knocked on the door of the wrong person? Her heart thudded as her brown eyes searched for some kind of comfort. She remembered the sign that she'd passed on the way up the hill. Yes, she exhaled slowly, cursing herself for being so silly, it'd had definitely said that this was the place. She sighed to herself - she could be so stupid sometimes.
Nevertheless, within moments of her realisation, the door was pulled open to reveal a tiny old woman- even shorter than Delilah herself. The young woman opened her mouth as all coherent thought left her mind. "I - I, er. That is - Uh.." She stopped herself from talking when the woman turned back to shout, "Dear, we have a visitor!" before turning back to Delilah with a knowing look. She pulled the door open a little wider to allow the woman to enter. Delilah found her feet and did so, now feeling rather flustered. What was she doing?!
She glanced around the room in an attempt to figure out what she was doing. It looked similar to a living room, but there were pictures of Pokémon everywhere; on the walls, on the mantle piece and on the cupboards that lined the outside of the room. There were a couple of ribbons which Delilah guessed would be prizes for excellent breeding.
She turned back to the woman, opening her plump lips once again to inform her of her plan. "I'm Delilah T-thomas. I, err. Thank you for inviting me in! You have a lovely home. Erm, center. I mean. Um, that is so say--" Her flustered rambling was soon interrupted by the senior breeder, "I bet you're here for a Pokémon."
Delilah opened her mouth, momentarily speechless. "Well, err, yes. I am, Ma'am." She nodded feverishly, her cheeks turning slightly pink. Oh, this was going so badly! Why couldn't the Professor just have given her one of the Pokémon in the Hoenn Lab? Oh, and now the woman was wandering off without waiting for a reply. "I'm afraid I don't know what Pokémon are here. Um..." The woman had gone.
Delilah bounced from foot to foot, wondering if she should follow the elderly woman. She bit her lip nervously. Oh, this was so bewildering! However, it wasn't long before the elder returned and this time she had some Pokémon in tow.
The woman let out a gasp as she spotted the Cubone in her arms. Cubone are really interesting creatures. She thought, Few people have ever seen in without its skull and it's bonemerang attack is pretty infamous... The Pokémon was adorable, there was no doubt about that. Delilah smiled at it, before she spotted the Pichu hiding behind the older lady's legs. She looked down to it, smiling kindly. Pichu required a lot of love to evolve into Pikachu, which was well known for its strong electric attacks, but many considered it worth it.
Then, a small crack was heard as the Abra materialised out of nowhere, a puff of dark purple smoke following it's teleport. Delilah gasped before breaking down into a grin. Abra, and its evolutions, were one her very favourite Pokémon. She bent down to its height, studying the psychic type with a grin.
"What an interesting teleport." She smiled, "The only attack you know until you evolve, but nevertheless it's an effective one." She was really talking to herself, muttering in a low voice, "I wonder what the smoke was... The energy used must..." She paused in thought for a moment, questions filling her mind.
"Would I please be able to take this Abra?" She asked as she stood up, smiling nervously at the lady, "Abra is such an interesting Pokémon. I'd really like to learn more about it..." She trailed off, glancing down at the creature every few moments as if fearful it was merely an illusion and might pop out of her life as quickly as it had jumped in. [/sub][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]
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Post by Kαlεεnα on Aug 30, 2009 15:35:56 GMT -5
This is an older roleplay. I think it happened a year ago. Sorry, it was the only one I could find that wasn't archived. (Silly archives that don't allow regular members to view. xD) I've read these over again and can make each reply better, now that I am more experienced. Editing them is probably cheating though. x3 So if you want a more recent example I'll probably have to make one up at the top of my head. n.n Naomi watched almost the whole series of events with interest atop a forlorn branch. Actually, she was here at the park just snoozing casually when a few noisy people just came barging in and randomly decided to start fighting! And who would of known...? Of course it was the little brat, Mizaki, who erupted this change of pace in her day! That girl... whenever something squeaked out of her mouth... something in Naomi just snaps! And it was a more violent urge in her that awakens - meaning that it's not a good snap.
But instead of rushing down there to punch a hole in her head, she silently watched what was happening from above. In reality, this was an amazing show of restraint! If Naomi and Mizaki had anything in common, which even she would reluctantly admit, was their way of making decisions. It was random, always seems like fun and a good idea at the time - something they usually regretted later but fondly spoke about in the future. Whatever happens to peak her interest is what she goes after for the day!
Of course Mizaki, being the spoiled little brat she was, always seemed to have everything under control with that 'cute' smile of hers. If their positions were reversed and Naomi was in that fray, somebody would not be able to enjoy the rest of their day conscious. In a way though, it was actually amusing to have a big guy take on a scrawny girl. Of course, this was not his fault he was rushed into a friendly battle - but most onlookers would hope he was ashamed of himself with such actions. Knowing Mizaki though, Naomi merely wished the girl's pride to be crushed.
It was even more amusing really, to see even another stranger just come in and add more to the chaos which was slowly starting to cease. Funnier still, no one had even detected her yet! At least, they showed no signs of it at any rate. Like a child, Naomi was muffling fits of giggles with all six of her hands. It was like she was peeking in on something she wasn't supposed to see; like if she got caught, she'd get in a whole lot of trouble! It only made her muffled giggles increase.
On another note, all this violence was actually making her own blood boil! The need to stir up even more trouble was rising in her gut. It was so intense that her head was starting to get dizzy and all restraint was starting to dye down - just like her ceasing giggles. Swaying back and forth a bit her balance was lost and her body slipped off the tree, only to have one of her arms catch herself. After making so much noise and hanging there sheepishly, there was no other choice: she had to introduce herself in a non-threatening way, lest she really gets into a fight!
Letting her fingers pry loose from the bark, Naomi hopped down and landed neatly with her feet. As if in an almost drunken haze, which is her creepy way of trying not to show emotion, she walked up to the small girl without a word and stood beside her. An awkward moment seemed to have ensued, and then Naomi had her three closest arms grab Mizaki into a tight half-hug. No matter how annoying this girl was, for some reason Naomi did, in fact, have a soft spot for her.
Looking towards the one in her arms she asked, "What's this about joining a team, neh? You're not even out of diapers and you think you can take on the world?"
Upon saying those words, all of her features lost their weird demeanor and came out into a sort of smirk and mischievious look. While waiting for an answer Naomi tried to give her a friendly but painful noogie with the rest of her fists. She didn't even bother to say anything to the strangers. It was like she had tunnel vision, and right now she was only focusing on the brat in her arms. Wow - Mizaki didn't seem to be putting up much of a struggle. Of course, Naomi could tell by the sour expression on her face that she wasn't enjoying her head being ground in, but she wasn't fighting tooth and claw against her. Must be because there was company.
The fact there were others with them seemed to dawn on her once more when, one, a guy asked the so called 'Miza' if she was a friend, and two, Miza replied. Wait a minute - Miza? When the hell did anyone call her by any sort of nickname? Did they create a Mizaki Fan Club within the short span of their separation? What a ridiculous notion and idea! What was also ridiculous was the bubbling jealousy in her stomach. Not only did Naomi not know how to deal with that sort of feeling, she was questioning how much she actually liked this dumb brat!
As she turned to face the crowd, Naomi was presented with something quite amusing, which calmed the random jealousy factor. One of them was practically gawking at her and the other was pretty much in a fighting stance! Wow - what a way to greet a lady! Not like she had introduced herself yet, but... still, they have a long way to go before they can have a successful party in their pants. Staring and threatening is one way to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Even so, she looked at them both with that same mask of boredom. Her facial expressions were changing rapidly today, it seemed.
And then there was the growling... animal - thing. It was huge, bulky and, well... wow! Despite it's intimidating aura and threatening posture Naomi looked at it quizzically for a while, cocking her head to the side. Another moment of silence and she cocked her head the other way, while her hands halted their noogie process. After a while of studying the creature, her head came back upright and she cooed, "Well, aren't you an ugly thing!"
Her attention span drifted once more as she realized that Mizaki had answered everyone but her. How rude! And the fact that she just told them she was part of the Yamanaka Clan wasn't cool either! Sure, she may be a part of the clan but it's not like she took the time to learn a lot about them... yet. Around the time she joined them was the same time she went on one of her.. well, you know, 'breaks'. Point is: Not many in the clan are happy with her right now.
The damage had been done and their was no way she could make the girl take back that little piece of information she gave out. At least it was vague, in a way. Bopping her on the head or grounding her hands in for an even more painful noogie would be a pointless reaction to what she said now because it would just show how long it took for her to process what the girl had actually said. It was much too long, especially now that Naomi was deliberating about it. The need to physically harm the girl was still there though. Why not just do something and then shrug and say she just felt like doing it? Anyone would buy that!
Having her decision made, Naomi bopped the girl on the head once with each left hand. However, with every passing moment it seemed the air was getting thicker and tenser with a little thing called awkwardness. Naomi was guilty about setting the mood everywhere she went. As if she was bored with the awkward game she tried to alleviate it by putting on a small smile and offering her name.
"The name's Naomi - and you are...?" Ah - the man had a name: Hakari. And this Hakari was not really subtle about observing her. Seeing as he wasn't gawking or staring too long in places that make little boys blush - it was a good guess that he was a gentleman at least. Who knows, he could be a closet pervert. Maybe she should try the Sexy no Jutsu on him someday! That'd be a laugh.
What caught her off guard was how he could look at her arms and then dismiss them as if it was something normal people see everyday! Okay - he's seriously got polite issues or maybe he really wasn't that disgusted by them! Didn't really matter anyways. Whether people think she's hot or not because of her arms is not the reason they were put there. Her arms are not for show - they have a much more deadly purpose. Whether or not other girls can't handle the weird looks that frequently comes Naomi's way is not her problem in the least. Besides! She had other goods to show off that some girls only dreamed to have that size!
As he slouched back with an odd glint in his eyes, Naomi practically shrugged it all off. Well, everything except for his comment on the Yamanaka Clan. She was never one to indulge information about herself to just anyone. And they way Mizaki just handed it out on a platter did not suit her well.
"Do not pay heed to Mizaki and her indulging mouth..." A pause was put out dramatically as she gave the girl a hard stare saying: 'Not another word!'
Just to keep things negative, the other guy seemed to be down-right pissed off! Even with all her struggles to hide her smirk, she just couldn't! Out it came and already she could gauge his next reaction to her... well, attitude. She almost hoped, almost being the keyword here, that 'Jimmu' had glared away at their surroundings before the smirk came out.
And then it suddenly hit her: he had six arms too! Wow - she really wasn't paying attention today! It was weird, really. She knew almost everyone by face within Cloud's Kumomusha Clan but she'd never seen him before. She'd have to ask him about that later.
He also really sucked at being inconspicuous. Was he trying to act like everything was hunky-dory - like he didn't care what happens? Because he was do a fine job being obvious while staring at everything but her. And what he said about his little, well - big pet actually, eating her just made her smirk go all the wider! Did he really think that his pet could eat her? For one, her make up probably tastes like crap in a bottle, and two, he definitely did not know who he was talking to! This was Naomi: the god damn fastest and most skilled when it came to running away... among other things. Did they really think that her swinging on the tree like that was something unusual to her? Pfft! This was her terrain, bitches!
Suddenly and quite unexpectedly his shrew had a squeak escape his mouth. A pause ensued as Naomi stared at the thing with a blank expression... Without warning, her personality and attitude seemed to go on the other end of the spectrum as she cried in a high-pitched voice, "So cuuute!"
Usually she'd run at the big monster and hug him until he died from suffocation, loss of blood flow or just passed out from all the love! But really now, the thing wasn't pleased with her and she knew better than to make quick advances on any animal! Fact: they retaliate - even if you have good intentions! So now she looked like some sort of weirdo just standing there, with all six hands off Mizaki and clasped like she was in some sort of dream-like state, staring keenly at the shrew. Now was usually the time people look at her like she's an idiot or they glare at her because... well... how the hell was she supposed to know why they glared at her?! Probably just jealous...
On a brighter note, however, they really don't know anything more than a vague idea about her. A chaotic personality, Kumomusha and Yamanaka - an odd combination for clans, and yet, they have no idea what else is in store! Either she surprises them later on while protecting their sorry asses, (pfft - unlikely), or they'll be surprised when she kills them! Those two options weren't exactly her cup of tea though - not now. Maybe if they just went their separate ways...
As the thought struck her, it just so happened that the little brat opened her mouth once again!
"Naomi be nice. Do you always have to tackle things head on?"
"Forgive my friend, she is quite the rebel. At any rates since apparently we all found ourselves to this park I'd think it would be much fun if Naomi was added to the team as well. Pleeeeeaaaseee Hakari. Once we finish up here we can even go to the Raikage's Tower and sign up for a mission or something. We might as well seeing as we have nothing better to do, really. What do you guys think?"
A spark ignited quite clearly in both her eyes. With swift movement Naomi tried to tackle the girl down to sit on her, and took two of her fists and attempted to grind them painfully on each side of the girl's head while saying, "I swear - everytime you open your mouth I just get pissed off!" This next spoiler is only here just in case you count the first example as an introduction and getz mad at me. >:U Hakari started to randomly chuckle, which had Naomi pause at the abuse she was delivering to the small girl. Unfortunately today Mizaki just didn't seem to be in the complaining mood. It always warmed her heart when she knew the other girl was in some sort of pain. But today she just seemed to take the beating without even a batting an eyelash. That just took the fun out of it!
Then the so called 'leader' said something about going to the tower and forming a team or whatnot. It was really weird how they just seemed to take her in so fast. Whatever - she wasn't really hyped up for this mission they wanted to go on. Who would want to go out of their way to do work? Are they mentally retarded? Guess so.
If it wasn't for Hakari's playful grin, she would have never got her ass off of Mizaki and followed like an obediant child! But as fate would have it he looked adorable with that grin and she couldn't help but tag along!
Another bright note, sort of, was that Jimmu and Okami had become a lot calmer. It was actually much more fun when they were mad... but maybe she can jump on one of the beast's backs later! But which one to choose? The one with all those quills, or the one with six arms? Either choice was actually quite unsafe to try.
Bah! Who knew what these people had in store for her! All she had to do was trail them and find out! So she wordlessly followed at the back of the group, keeping a distance just in case she got the guts to jump someone with a running start!
[exit] EDIT:: my roleplay samples are unfortunately not Pok?mon related either. Forgot to point this out, but I am sure you probably would have figured this out on your own. x3
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Icy
Newcomer
Posts: 1
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Post by Icy on Aug 31, 2009 4:01:02 GMT -5
I have a very bad feeling about this, especially considering the first two aren't too good post, but they're the only two Pok?mon related posts that I find passable. The last one is an post from a harry potter rpg site. Just started becoming re-interested in Pok?mon RPGs, so was sorta stuffed when had to find three posts. -sighs- Yes. Amber smirked. Finally struck that overgrown lizard again. She caught Cancer's display of slight sympathy to her Pok?mon's pain which meant the other trainer's reputation rised a bit in her opionion. So maybe she's not completely careless and vain, but still a bit too overconfident. She hated arrogant people with a passion. Maybe it was her past catching up with her.
"Come on darling, you can do this" Amber nearly goggled at Cancer's manicured fingers. How the hell does she manage to keep them like that when on the road she wondered.
"Scratch it. Now" Uh-oh. This is not good. Her Chimchar was already wavering on his feet, she doubted that he could hold his own for much longer, a few more hits at most.
"Dodge it Chimchar, and scratch it again." she commanded, and winced as her Chimchar's reaction speed slowed and got scratched again. It was pretty obvious that this lil battle was just about over. One more hit and her Chimchar would be unable to battle anymore; but she wasn't going to let that happen without at least injuring the other Pok?mon a bit. She smiled warily as her Chimchar let out a feeble "Chim" as he leaped for the Charmander.
It was quite a nice day when Janice and her Torchic, Nina set out. Now she has secretly started calling Nina 'Torchy' in her head, but she somehow doubted she'll ever say that out loud to her overly proud Torchic. Of course she loves her Pok?mon, but honestly, if it wasn't for Nina's love for battles, she was sure she would've lost her temper with Nina ages ago.
Nina was currently walking happily next to her, head turning this way and that as she surveyed their surroundings, seemingly glad to be out of her Pok?ball; even if only for a short while.
Janice was hoping to bump into a nice lil wild Pok?mon. Preferably one she could easily capture to add to her team. One Pok?mon was nice and all, but it would be difficult to win any gym battle or even trainer battle if the odds were 3 against 1. Of course that didn't mean she wanted an low leveled Pok?mon to randomly hop out. For this would also be a great chance for Nina to gain some experience.
She glanced down at her lil fire Pok?mon who was studying the water with an intense look. "Did you see something interesting Nina?" she asked, not noticing anything odd within the water. "Tor Tor" [I'm not sure, I think something moved.]
Janice stared at the water for a while, "Probably your imagination. I don't see anything. C'mon T..Nina. Let's go and continue with keeping an eye out for wild Pok?mon, 'kay?" "Torchic" [Yes]
After a while they stopped. Janice sighed. "We've been walking for ages. You wanna take a rest Nina?" Nina nodded, and slumped down next to her, conveniently just underneath the shade of an tree. "Great idea Nina. Hopefully luck will be on our side this time and an wild Pok?mon will just hop out eh?" she joked, leaning back against the tree trunk to rest her weary legs for a moment.
Kel smirked, so she picked up on that then...interesting, "We moved from America a few weeks after I was born...I've also been to Britain before, not to mention I seem to have a talent when it comes to faking accents." she replied, swapping between a Australian, Spanish and finally English accent.
Not many average Americans parents are hitwizards either, "It was, just that some of my teachers and my parents thought it'll be nice to drill into me the history and recent happenings of any major country or settlement." Grimacing at the thought of it, clearly stating just exactly what she thought about that. She had never liked history, although she did see its usefullness in some cases.
"Well yeah, sorta transferred here recently." Kel paused, should she tell or shouldn't she. If she didn't, that would be the more Slytherin thing to do, but it was her last year, and she didn't really see herself staying around long after graduation, "My parents jobs led them to Britain, so they enrolled me here." she added after a short deliberation. "I'd say you're the first person I've ever met whos been here since first year." Kel added.
"So since you must be quite the expert on Hogwarts and its surroundings, could ya suggest some interesting things to do 'round here?" she asked, having been seriously bored outta her mind. Especially since Jasper seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Since even through they were in the same house, she has yet to see him again.
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Post by promisememywings on Aug 31, 2009 17:53:14 GMT -5
Large rolling thunder clouds loomed heavily from the rain swelling in their bellies above and lightening danced playfully across the midnight sky; illuminating every dark corner the dirt path had to offer. By the looks of it, it just seemed like a small storm whose damage would only be discomfort for the little children hiding under the covers of their beds to try to wrap themselves into a more reassuring world, but the young girl whose quick footsteps were brisk and weary knew that the oncoming storm was going to shake the foundations of homes miles around. Memories of the sun shining on her skin and the warmth it brought at the beginning of the day were lost in the wind rushing past them in a wild manner.
The small Charmander running beside the girl looked up to the storm with a look of absolute fear in his eyes. He knew that if they didn’t make it to any fashion of shelter soon unforgiving raindrops would fall upon his already smothering flame until it went out completely, ultimately sending him into a deep sleep with little or no hope of waking. “Trinity, when are we going to find somewhere safe to stay?”
Trinity looked down at the Charmander, though never slowing her pace. “I’m not sure…Hopefully there will be a town up ahead.” She offered the little thing a reassuring smile, but the emotion never reached her eyes. Trinity didn’t have the faintest idea what laid ahead for them. There were no signs posted into the ground on either side of the beaten path that offered any promises of comfort; hell, there weren’t even signs that anyone had walked the same footsteps in years.
A tired sigh escaped through her soft lips as she slowed her pace to a slight jog. The wind blew her icy blue hair wildly all around her; tugging and throwing it at whatever direction it desired with its chilled and cruel hands. She couldn’t help but to thank her lucky stars for the leather coat that clung to her slight frame like a lifeline. It was worn and torn in places but it did a damn good job of keeping her warm, and, at the moment, that’s all she could ask for. Well, besides a place to stay for the night.
Shards of ice and rain began to fall to the ground in groups as large as an army. The nerve endings in both Trinity and Charmander’s skin jolted with tiny pulses of pain as the drops fell upon them. A small trail of smoke rose up from Charmander’s tail steadily while the flame began to die at a faster rate. He grabbed a hold of his tail in a fit of panic and wrapped it around himself. Only a spark passed through his mouth as he tried to rekindle it; only fighting a lost cause.
It was when her nose wrinkled up in disgust from a smoky scent that Trinity looked down to her side and noticed the demise her fellow companion was in. Her mouth twisted into a snarl when the flame refused to be alight again. A mutter of obscenities could be incoherently heard in her Polish tongue. She cursed her damned luck and halted to a stop. “Come here and get in my jacket.” She said while kneeling to his level.
The Charmander eagerly leaped into her arms and nuzzled against her chest as she wrapped the clothing around his shaking body. Trinity rose back to her feet grudgingly while hanging onto Charmander gingerly. The rain and ice fell harder now and in larger quantities; blinding Trinity. Though, her relentless never stumbled as her slender legs carried them along the forsaken path in a pace that could keep up with the best of runners. The fear for her beloved Pokémon fueled her determination and the hope for something ahead kept the adrenaline pumping through her blood.
She looked down at the weary Charmander who was struggling just to keep his eyes open. An overwhelming pity over took Trinity and caught in her throat. “We’ll find some place safe…I promise.” A single tear slid down her face at the response she got; a slight nod that pained him immensely. Her face filled with a burning sensation as she bore down on her teeth and pushed herself even harder, rarely ever taking a breath in fear that it would only slow her down. Thoughts raced through her mind in a frenzy of all the battles, races through routes, and times spent looking up at the stars they shared together. Charmander had been with her since the beginning and she would be damned if he wasn’t with her at the end.
The path gave away to an inclined hill that over looked a darkly deep forest filled with sounds of the nightlife. Insect Pokémon could be heard singing songs that craved to be in the light of day, glimpses of Primate Pokémon could be seen swinging from tree to tree, and Bird Pokémon could be found nestling their young. It was a rather peaceful sight, but it went ignored as Trinity laughed with delight when she saw the glow of light and smoke rising from a stoned chimney lying in the heart of the forest.
A smirk played coyly across Hazzard’s lips as he glanced down at his hand of cards. Hmm…Full House, aren’t I just lucky? He tossed his crimson bangs out of his eyes and laid the charmed cards on the worn wooden table while a hearty laughter bubbled up in his throat. The others that surrounded the table grimaced at the sight of the winning hand with utter hatred for the cocky bastard. Each had stripped themselves down to the bone for bid against the man, who they thought would be an easy win, just so they could earn a little dirty money.
Hazzard smiled wryly at each patron, savoring the ugly looks twisting their face, and reached for his awaiting treasure that gleamed under the single fluorescent lamp that hung from above. The Mightyena that sat to his right snickered at the sight of the greedy humans. The looks humans could give for any certain emotion had always amused her.
Hazzard’s long fingers ran through Mightyena’s fur affectingly while his other hand stuffed his winning into the inside pocket of his long, black, trench coat. His tongue slid its way across his lips and played with the silver ring attached to the corner of his mouth as he thought of all the drugs and women he could buy now. In the next few sweet hours, everything will be his until the last cent is spent. The tightening in his pants brought another blissful smile to his face.
“Sorry boys, but this is where I take my leave,” he said while dropping his feet off the table and pushing himself into a stand, “It’s been fun.”
Hot steam surrounded Noir in a fine mist that left the surroundings to her imagination as she settled herself into the water with her Vaporeon diving in right behind her. She pulled her long purple hair into the ponytail on the top of her head, in hope of keep it from getting wet, and closed her eyes.
The past weeks of climbing up the tortuous mountain and battling unfamiliar Pokémon had left her nerves raw and stretched to the limit. Not that she didn’t enjoy it, though. Noir had always welcomed a challenge since the first day she received her precious Vaporeon and set out on her quest to be the best trainer in the region.
Noir opened one eye and glanced over at the side of the hot spring; making sure her clothes were still tucked safely between two large boulders that served as “strip down area.” She had heard tales of perverts with wondering eyes and sticky fingers would sneak in when the mist was at its thickest to take a peek, along with items of clothing. Which reminded her…
A splash of water suddenly hit Noir in the side of her face. “Hey! Who did--,” another splash washed across her face.
The Vaporeon raised its head out of the water just enough for it to squirt its distracted trainer. It gave a shrill laugh as it watched her trainer whip her head around trying to find the source. Teasing the young woman had always been something it enjoyed doing since the moment it had been sucked into the new dimension known as a Pokéball. When the girl’s eyes cut towards its direction it immediately jumped out of the water with its tongue sticking out and its tail splashing more water on her.
Noir put her hands up while laughing in an attempt to block the water from hitting her again. Vaporeon, the little trickster, seemed to be enjoying their break to the fullest. A smile danced across her face as the Vaporeon swam about the small spring; performing tricks and fetching things to play with. Coming here wasn’t such a bad idea, she thought to herself.
Though, the idea faded completely when she heard that oh so familiar voice. “I knew I would find you here,” a rather rouge voice said. She looked to her right and came face-to-face with a tanned chest. Tilting her head back a little, Noir looked into the eyes of the same man that had been following ever since she started on the mountain trail. “Must you always find me? Don’t you have anything better to do?” The smirk displayed across his mouth as she asked the question bugged the hell out of her, but she couldn’t help to admire it at the same time.
Admin Note - AlliI had to modify your post to correct the spoiler tags. I haven't read your posts yet, but if you are accepted, please always double-check your posts in "preview" before posting for tag mess-ups. There is a "modify" button, as well, if you don't notice until after you hit "post".
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 7, 2009 15:35:56 GMT -5
I deeply apologize to those waiting that the latest samples have not yet to be looked over until now.
Kit
I hardly skimmed over the previous reviews, but I did notice that you tried before and this is your second attempt. Be aware that we really appreciate the enthusiasm. It shows a willing to improve, which is something we strongly favor and that is greatly boosting my opinion of you.
Your newest samples are decent. Personally, I liked them. I didn't really read much of the brief conversation between you and Jen, though I noticed that you said you weren't capitalizing the names of the Pokémon species. It made me actually wonder if I'm guilty of the same crime; I personally don't think too much while I'm typing, except about the characters. It makes me want to go read old posts. Anyway, I agree with Jen that they should be capitalized. It feels a bit weird to look at "ekans" than "Ekans", personally, but I'm not so hard-pressed on the issue myself.
While I think you still have plenty of room for improvement, I think that because you're willing to make that improvement we should accept you. Bear in mind, however, that the final decision is, as always, up to Jen.
Kalyna
First of all, thanks for providing a forth example, because we did specify that we want regular posts and not introductions. But we wouldn't yell at you for it. We could have probably come to a decision on the two, or asked for a third if we really felt the need.
Three just sounds like a good number. :B You can't get a tie (like, one good and one bad sample). :]
I really liked your samples. One thing I noticed is that you don't have dialogue bolded. I doubt it's a written rule on Kairuu, but as a general, we prefer members to bold and color the speech of their characters, if only because it's easier to see. Generally, speech is what's important in a post, and when it comes to modding, it's much easier on a mod to skim a post and read obvious dialogue then having to crunch through the entire thing to find what's most relevant.
To be honest, that's my only real complaint, and it's petty at that.
Oh! One thing I did notice, but only a couple of times, scarcely there; you used a couple words in a way that really didn't make sense in their sentences. Particularly, "Naomi watched almost the whole series of events with interest atop a forlorn branch." and "Of course it was the little brat, Mizaki, who erupted this change of pace in her day!" The words forlorn and erupted don't sound right in these sentences.
But, really, that's not major, not in the slightest, just a little odd to me, personally. And you do use a lot of exclamation points, maybe a bit too much, but again, that's petty and does not really matter.
Anyway, I vote completely and one-hundred percent accepted. But Jen's word is final, if she decides to add on any comments.
Icy
You didn't have to necessarily find Pok?mon-related ones, but I definitely appreciate the effort. :]
Personally, I liked the parts of your posts that I read. (Generally, I don't read through each sample completely; either one sample, or a couple paragraphs of each, usually the latter). While I do feel like they could use a little bit of work, I personally don't think they're bad.
I, myself, would accept you, if you were willing to make a conscious effort to improve. I do understand the samples are somewhat old, so that also goes towards my decision. Know, however, Jen is a bit more strict than I am when it comes to these samples, and her word is final.
Promise
I do find the fact that you didn't bother to edit your own post to fix the spoiler tags a bit... lazy, personally.
However.
Your samples beg an entirely different point.
I'm generally not that interested in peoples' samples, but I found myself actually completely reading each of them through. They definitely drew my attention, and I really liked them. The characters were interesting, and I personally loved how you worded things. One little thing I noticed a couple of times is that, at least twice, I noticed you didn't put a space after a "...". In speech or not (and I personally dislike ...s out of speech, but it's no big deal), there should be a space after the ... and before the next word. Just a little tiny thing, not a big deal at all.
I definitely want to accept you. I highly doubt Jen would disagree with me, but I have to warn you that she might (I really, really doubt it), because her word is the final say in these.
Admin Note - Bijuu [ Jen ]
While I usually would go ahead and add my own reviews, but hey. Here's the thing. You guys have been waiting long enough for us to get off our sorry asses to reply to these, and I really don't feel like making you wait even longer because of me.
I trust Alli's judgment, and I've read [ skimmed ] over these examples a few times now, so I agree with her decisions. You're all accepted.
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Pudding
Newcomer
[M:-20000]
You've got a smile that can light up this whole town.
Posts: 25
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Post by Pudding on Sept 20, 2009 7:05:44 GMT -5
Apologies, these RP samples are way way way old. I like to think I'm much better at roleplaying now. These are terrible, embarassing. D; They're from Pok?mon Anrui - the battle conditions were different there, which explains why Poisonpowder and Razor Leaf were used in the same turn.
"Aw, damn." Kimmie mumbled, as she peered down the cliffs she stood upon. She was right on the edge, where the carpet of grass had been worn down to mud, staring at the rocky, jagged sides of the cliff that she was meant to descend. Kimmie could plainly see Ansen Valley as the bottom. Her stomach twisted as it thought of real, hot food; not the canned crap she'd had to live off for the last few days, as Plasma had been particularly abrasive, swarming all over the Ansen Valley area. Hell, she'd have to hide herself well, but Kimmie reckoned she'd be able to snag a meal or two at the casino. Especially if she started flirting with the barmen; that always worked. The side of the cliff looked lethal - random pieces of grey rock jutted out of the side, providing sturdy footholds, but if you fell and scraped yourself against one, you'd probably have a scar for life. Kimmie shuddered when she thought of the long, long drop. Tufts of grass sprouted from the side rebelliously. The wind whipped her long, pink hair around her face. It was particularly windy at the top of the cliffs, sending gusts through her shirt and making it billow outwards. It also sent chills down her spine. Sometimes, the wind slapped her hair against her cheek with a sharp crack. It stung, but Kimmie had no time for whining and moaning right now. She needed to get down this cliff! But how? At this present moment in time, Kimmie had no flying Pok?mon. Not even large ones; they were all small. A Pikachu, a Torkoal, a Charmeleon, a Jolteon, an Eevee and a Wooper. Tripp the Torkoal and Jix the Charmeleon were the bigger ones, but wouldn't be able to fly her down. And beside, if they tried climbing down the side with her on their back (which they no doubt would insist upon), Kimmie would damage them, or they would fall. Not practical. Maybe if Jix evolved into a Charizard, they could fly down. But right now, Jix was 16 levels away from evolving, and there was no way he'd gain 16 levels right now. Kimmie sighed. How would she get out of this mess? Spark, unusually, was not at his regular perch on her shoulder, as Kimmie had recalled him. Heaven knows Spark, with his reckless antics, would fall off the edge if she let him run loose around a cliff. Kimmie sat on the edge of the cliff, setting her rucksack down. She wrapped her arms around her bare legs - she was wearing shorts, as it had been quite sunny in the morning, which had only been two hours back - and rested her chin upon them, thinking as she gazed out into the distance.
Kimmie wasn’t too stressed about the Remoraid’s water-type attack. Hemlock, being a grass-type, wasn’t affected much by it – in fact, he rather enjoyed it. It was almost like taking a bath. However, it did frustrate him – he didn’t like having this little aqua fish clinging onto his left foreleg with it’s tiny, yet knife-sharp teeth. A small pain seemed to shoot up his foreleg – he growled, wafting his leaves and rearing on his back legs, trying to throw the Remoraid off his leathery green skin. However, the infuriating fish failed to get deterred – it clung to Hemlock with it’s teeth. After a quick glance at the injured Horsea, and feeling a pang of sympathy, Kimmie felt more fired up than ever today. “Hemlock, use Poisonpowder, and then Razor Leaf. ” She said calmly, twisting a lock of pink hair around her finger as she contemplated. The Ivysaur gladly wafted a purple, poisonous cloud of powder from the bud on his back, before releasing a barrage of razor-sharp leaves towards the Remoraid, which was still locked onto his foreleg.
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 20, 2009 7:20:40 GMT -5
Pudding
I think these are pretty good. Room for improvement, which is always good, but at the same time not in desperate need of it (but we all should improve, always, it's the general rule of writing unless you suddenly find yourself writing Faulkner-quality work).
One little thing is to double-check your sentences to make sure the punctuation is right and that it flows; a couple of sentences here and there felt choppy and didn't look right, but overall your writing is decent. The second sample was a tad short, but we don't require novels--our members just like to write them. But we would ask for a little more than that, but not much.
Oh, and when there are numbers in a post, the general rule of thumb is to write it out--instead of saying "16 levels short", when talking about the Charmeleon, you would say "sixteen levels short". Just a bit of an OCD, and I believe Jen shares it with me--it's just proper to spell things out unless by doing so it makes it impossible to keep up with--like, if the character is thinking about numbers, maybe adding them up or whatever, it is reasonable to write them as numbers if they are larger than, say, a thousand.
Ranting a bit here, sorry. x3
Anyway, I personally wouldn't mind accepting you. The final word lies on Jen, though; she hasn't popped up much lately, and usually you're pretty good with just me alone, but sometimes she thinks differently than me (and unlike me, I think she actually reads each and every sample posted entirely--I skim random bits of each because I'm a bit lazy and I think that good writing should always be good--that wherever I look, I should be able to find good writing, instead of having to search for it. x3
Jen's Opinion-thing
Well, I think Alli addressed everything here, and I think you said these were old posts, Pika? I've known you long enough and seen you roleplay many a time to know how well you write and all that good jazz, so I'm gonna go ahead and say accepted as well.
In fact, you would've been good with just Alli's review.
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Dust
Newcomer
Posts: 1
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Post by Dust on Sept 25, 2009 15:28:47 GMT -5
alright I know there's not Pok?mon based, but I haven't been on a Pok?mon rp in so long, so I hope you'll forgive me. All 3 are from BMD, a Persona 3 rp site ”There you are, my Casanova.”
With weary eyes, the teenager glances over his shoulder, careful not to upset the balance of the fence so he doesn’t accidentally break his neck, that’s the last thing he needs today. He gives the dark haired girl the once over, a suspicious frown of his own firmly in place on his face. She looked to be about his age, maybe a little older, and though she looked to be only five foot at best, she carried herself with a demeanor of someone who was above, or superior to everyone else. For now, it was best to ignore her, it wasn’t like he actually cared who, or what she was looking for.He was selfish like that, if it couldn’t benefit him in anyway, more often then not he couldn’t be bothered to use energy to complete it, self-interest and whatnot. Justin looks back out at the grounds, placing his headphones back onto his head and pressing play, doing his best to drown out the noise of the new girl, going back to the important business of being a random jackass tempting the fates of life and death. Hey; we all gotta have a hobby, his just made people think he was suicidal. Ah well, with a shrug, Angel digs into his pocket, pulling out a bright red bic lighter, and fumbles around for his second pack of cigarettes, cursing softly to himself about his stupidity, tossing his other pack of the roof, honestly what was he thinking?
”My, my, are you preparing for the dance by skipping meals and just smoking? I never thought you were someone concerned about self…image…Neko…kun?”
Confused once again, Justin glances back at the purple eyed girl, who seemed to finally realize that the person who she was looking for wasn’t here, and he could feel her give him the once over this time, as she took in his height. He’d always been tall, he was the only person in his fourth grade class who had been mistaken for a middle schooler, and in all honesty he enjoyed being taller then most people, though it made him hard to miss when he wanted to be alone, which was around ninety-five percent of the time . And did she just say neko? Isn’t that the japanese name for cat? She was looking for a nicotine addicted, self starving kitty cat, and they called him crazy. Laughing softly to himself, but loud enough so the rather small girl could hear him, and glances down, just to see a crowd of people staring up at him in awe. Justin rolls his eyes to himself and gives a sarcastic wave to the ground below, making them buzz to each other about what the forigner was doing on the school roof, making Angel shake his head in dispair
“Fuckin vultures man…”
He swings his legs around so now he’s facing the girl, eyes closed and rubbing his head in annoyance, though it could be that he’s just tired. He opens his eyes and see’s that she’s still staring at him in curiousity, her eyes almost seeming like she’s looking directly into him, which quite honestly is starting to get a little creepy, she wasn’t speaking anymore, merely looking at him. Was it that strange to see a forigner these days? Its been a long day already, he had “accidently” missed his first class, not knowing there was a test today, he’d acted like an idiot in his biology class, before deciding “fuck it” and snuck up to the roof for the rest of the day, and he can’t even do that right. So, its only natural that after all that’s happened today, that he snaps.
“What the hell’s your problem?”
Woah, someone has an attitude problem. Justin glares at the shorter girl, arms crossed as he hops off the guardrail, absent-mindedly rubbing his left wrist, covered by his jacket sleeve. After another minute, Angel scoffs and looks at the ground, as the music continues to blast from his headphones around his neck, and unwillingly he presses pause, looking almost bored now as he leans against the railing.
“Hey there”
Why so cheerful, didn’t she know it was a Monday? Monday’s were no reason to be happy, if anything they should be the one day of the week that murders were legal. Justin doesn’t speak now, simply stands slumped against the rail calmly, waiting for her to either get on with what she was going to say or leave, nobody talks to total strangers for no reason, she had to want something.
”Have you seen my little kitty? He’s about this tall, and has a fairly devil smile like this,”
Justin looks on in mild amusement as the girl stands on her tiptoes, trying to show how tall it was, as her hand came to his shoulder. Justin rolls his eyes as she smiles and winks, but its not in annoyance this time, as he has an amused look on his face as he straightens up, chuckling slightly
“What has this girl been smoking?
…oh crap, did he just say that out loud? Stupid, stupid Justin! As the teen quickly gives himself a mental kick in the shins,he clears his throat, eyes scanning her face for any hint that the question was a joke. Finding none, he tries to keep the laughter out of his voice as he shrugs at the girl
“Sorry, can’t say that I’ve seen a giant cat anywhere around. Though, have you checked the lunch room? Or maybe even the local pound?”
Alright, its official; this kid has a deathwish. I can’t say for sure but by the look of things, this girl doesn’t take to kindly to being made fun of. Justin leans against the wall, a small smile playing on his face as he fumbles for his mp3 player, ready to be lost in his own little world again Alright then, on second thought maybe acting like such a douchebag isn’t such a good idea with this one. After he had snapped at her, she had just grinned, which in itself was a little unnerving, Justin inching himself slightly away from her, quickly scanning for the best escape route. No doubt about it, this girl was a freak with a capitol F. Nervously, Justin drums his fingers on his music player, just trying to keep his hands busy, searching for anysong that doesn’t have to do with murder, he doesn’t know what it takes to push this girl over the edge, assuming she hasn’t jumped off before. Why in the love of everything holy did he have nothing but music based off of hatred and violence? Sighing in defeat, he simply shrugs against a wall, mostly hoping that he doesn’t die today, that would ruin the rest on the week. Carefully so his movements don’t attract the girls attention, he reaches into his left jacket pocket and palms his small folding pocket knife. Sure he was cocky, and could be an asshole at times but he knew when it was time to shut his mouth and act like a good teenager. He wasn’t very good at it, but he knew how to do it. With droopy eyes, he pulls his hood over his head and reaches into his pocket, muttering to himself before his hand hits a square box, making his eyes light up as he removes the red and gold box
“ah, sweet, sweet cancer sticks”
Almost glowing with happiness, he unfolds his knife and uses it to tear through the plastic, , pausing just slightly to see the sun gleam brightly off the blade before placing it next to his and shaking a lone cigarette out of the box. After lighting his own, he quickly pocketed a few loose ones, all the while looking at the other girl. Finally after a mental debate, he got up off the ground; and slides the opened back towards the girl. He’s not stupid now, just in case she tosses them off the roof he has one last pack on the inside pocket of his jacket; but he might as well try to make peace with this girl, he had enough enemies here to be frank.
”The pound? Only dogs get put in a pound. Stray cats aren’t treated as nicely. They’re hung from their tails and beaten with a bat until dead since they don’t have anyone to want them in this world. God must not hear the prays of cute little kittens, I guess…”
..Okay, now that was a little creepy. Justin raises an eyebrow in interest as she said this, the calm in her voice was almost unnerving in itself. It took all Justin had to keep her gaze as she suddenly smiled a somewhat evil, creepy smile and stepped forward
”Tell me, would consider yourself to be a little puppy or kitty? Do you have an owner…hmm?”
Oh good God he’s going to die. That’s the first thing that races through Angel’s head as he stands there, malice starting to come into her eyes. Justin; trying to keep a brave persona, keeps her eye gaze until she walked by him and takes his old spot on the fence, Justin finally letting that breath of air out of his chest, just now realizing he had been holding a breathe. Way not to show fear there, Angel. Scowling at his own weakness, the teen, which now shows that he has the word Wings written on the back of his jacket as he kicks the wall lightly, until the slightly scary dark haired girl begins to speak again in a cheerful tone
”Oh, but my kitty isn’t really a kitty, He’s actually a devil. In fact, you should be really happy you haven’t seen my kitty. You just might die if you did!”
Was this girl serious? Justin blinks in confusement; there can’t be such things as devils, can there? Justin scratches his jaw in thought, considering her words. Would it be terrible, being a devil? Couldn’t be any worse then being an angel.
“A devil huh?
Justin rubs his eyes, and when he did so his jacket rolled down uncovering his wrist, where there appears to be a tattoo, before he catches it and yanks his sleeve up with his other hand, the last thing he needs is for this crazy girl to see his tatoo of the Pumpkin Man. He stares back out into space, a thoughtful expression in his eyes as something escapes from him
Devils…maybe its not so bad…”
What? Me thinks Angel has lost it just the same as this girl has. Mindlessly, he takes another drag on his cigarette, just standing against the wall; staring into space and remembering things from many years past… God in heaven, why was this girl so annoying? With a quiet, annoyed sigh Angel rolled his eyes again and put his headphones and took another drag on his cigarette, blowing it out in a half breathe and becoming almost peaceful. With passive, uncaring eyes he glances back at the dark haired girl, and frowns, not in anger of annoying, but in thought as he tries to figure out this strange one. He didn’t see her in any of his classes, well; the ones he attended anyway, so that led him to believe she was an upper classmen, or senpai, whatever its called here in Japan. Screw that, he’d never been real understanding of the whole honorifixs thing and he wasn’t going to show respect to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it. He goes back to playing with his pocketknife, opening and closing the blade, the sounds of madness playing from his headphones and he doesn’t have a care in the world, except maybe dying on this roof, that’s on the back of his mind. To be fair, he had actually been holding back on his comments, its true he was a little arrogant, a little egotistical, but it was his nature, Justin had to wonder what was that made this girl as insane as she was. Still, as long as he was here he might as well have some fun with her. Justin starts to grin a little before putting the butt of his cigareete back between his lips and gets to his feet. As he does this, his headphones slip a littleways off his head, and he’s just able to catch a sentence, it turns out she was still speaking.
“Fine with devils and demons huh?”
Huh? It takes awhile for the words to register in his head, before he realized he had said that out loud. That’s what he got for thinking about the past. After giving himself a mental kick in the shins, he decides to go back to doing what he does best; playing the role of arrogant asshole, what fun! Blinking as if he just remembered she was there, he turns the volume all the way up and pulls his headphones off his head, the music blaring out of the earpieces and shakes his head, possibly trying to get his hearing back, I don’t know. Dark blue eyes stare right back at her, before he cocks his shoulders in a lazy shrug
“Oh…were you still talking? That’s embarassing”
He actually turns his back to the smaller girl to scoop up his opened back of cigarettes, using the excuse to hide the smirk that’s on his face. He pretends to be fumbling for his lighter as he tries to get a straight face again, and when he finally turns back around he has a laid back, almost impassive. Was he insane, it’s a possibility, or he could just be stupid. Not many first-years talk down(pardon the pun) to the upper classmen, but he has already shown weakness once, he had to show that he wasn’t afraid of her. With the motions of someone without a care in the world, he crosses over to the railing and folds her arms, looking out at the horizon. Not right next to her, in case she tried to throw him over, but within the area He lets the butt of the cigarette dangle from his fingers as he gazed out at the grounds, taking in the sight before speaking in her direction
“To answer you’re question, or statement, I don’t care; yeah, demons and whatever are cool”
Justin had his eyes closed, giving him the appearance of someone who doesn’t care, and he faces the school grounds, not even looking at the shorter girl. Its true after all, demons were different, an escape from the normality of everyday life. Was it weird for him to like things that crawled around in the darkness? He doesn’t care either way, and after another drag on his cigarette, he rubs his eyes and after another minute or two, the dark haired girl speaks again.
”I wonder what you have lurking deep within your heart to think they’re not so bad,”
Deep in his heart, what was she talking about? He frowns as he tries to figure out this statement, what did he have inside him? Well there was bone, and blood though if he kept acting like such a jackass, the blood might not be “inside” his body much longer. Could she…Could she be talking about the Pumpkin Man? He chances another sideways glance before shaking his head, she couldn’t know about him, could she? He had to be imagining it. Still, there was only way to be totally sure, and with a little sigh he looked at her, a small sigh escaping his mouth before:
“I’m not afraid because of the Pumpkin Man.”
And that was it, that’s all she would get for an explaination, all he had to do was see if she reacted in any way.Not really caring for the meantime, Justin started fiddling with his blade again, digging under his fingernails, an un-interested look on his face until she suddenly speaks again.
”I’m sure you haven’t seen one if think they’re not so bad. Maybe you’ve seen an angel instead? Was it not as holy as you hoped? Or is it because Angels are weak and become fodder under a devil’s feet?”
Justin stops and actually seems to consider the girls words. He was technically named Angel, so that was close enough to being one. Justin scoffs as he seems to think something over, so he wasn’t technically holy, in fact he had shed just about all his holiness a long time ago, after many years of drug use and small crimes, but did that make him weak? Angel scowls, straighting up and leaning back, getting the kings out of his back with a satasfying cracking sound, before glaring at the much shorter girl
“You know something, my tiny little annoyance…”
Justin takes another drag on his cigarette before walking over to her, pausing for a few beats, staring down at her, before leaning down to finish his thought
“…Honestly I think I just don’t like you”
And with that, he blew the smoke from his cigarette right in her face. He laughed loudly, backing up out of her reach just in case she tried to attack. Justin flicked the cigarette over the fence, and puts his headphones back on, looking to drown her voice out
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