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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 6, 2009 23:40:00 GMT -5
An extremely originally-named four-part piece.
characters: Atticus, Kahale perspective: First-person [Atticus's] tense: Present
Kahale and Atticus decide to take a relaxing vacation at the beach. They spend a few days in paradise; Kahale catching the waves he loves so much, and Atticus playing in the sand, watching the man curiously.
---[index]-> 1. Part 1 - I thought we already were boyfriends? 2. Part 2 - Do jeans even come in a size-negative? 3. Part 3 - Don't sleep with pointy things in your pocket, Kahale. 4. Part 4 - Does sand freeze over?
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 6, 2009 23:41:46 GMT -5
------------------------------------------------------------- PART ONE - I thought we already were boyfriends? -------------------------------------------------------------
A dark cloud has settled upon the city. The sky is gray, and I can smell rain on the air.
How? How can I smell rain approaching?
I wonder over this for awhile, eyes focused on the overcast, legs kicking back and forth, calves thumping against the wood of the boardwalk once in awhile. The cool water splashes occasionally, chilling my ankles. I don't at all mind; it feels good against my skin. It's such a hot day, after all; so hot that I'm in black shorts and a white tshirt.
Even so, I haven't jumped in the water. I'm too afraid.
Kahale got in awhile ago, though; he's still there, catching waves as they roll in. He's amazing; I don't get how he can balance on that board so easily.
As soon as I think that, though, I see him being thrown from his surf board, a huge wave crashing over him.
What was that? I'm confused. And as I stand, I realize that I'm also afraid. I'm so scared that he's disappeared beneath the waves permanently, that those black waters have swallowed my light for eternity, and that they'll never give him back.
Before I notice that I'm even moving, I've run down the pier and onto the shore, feet stomping impressions into the sand. I feel the need to run right into the ocean to search for him. But I stop as water nearly hits my knees and back up, though as I do I hear a light laugh and peer through my bangs.
"You alright?" he asks, and I swear he's smirking as he stands up only a few feet from me, holding the edge of his surf board and grinning.
"I'm fine," I mutter, tilting my head down, though I flinch upon seeing the blackened waters beneath me; ghostly bodies float by, eyes wide open and staring right at me as they pass. I bite my lip and flinch when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I peer up, curling my toes into the mid-like sand, feeling like Kahale's looking me over. If he was, he didn't say anything. He merely smiles.
"Why not swim?" he asks, setting his board on the surface of the water and sitting on it, gently urging me to sit beside him. Which I do, because I'm an obedient pup.
"You know I don't want to."
"Why not?"
I bite into my lip and chew on a piece of ripping skin. I try not to focus on the hands rising from the water, grabbing at us, trying to pull the surf board down beneath the waves right along with the two of us. They never do--they can't--but they continue to try, anyway. They never stop. This is how it's always been, too; even since I was young, they've always been there, in the water, trying to take me in and drown me. I can't remember a time when they weren't there and I wonder why they're always the same, but as I think that I come to the realization that they are not the same. They simply all appear to be the same because humans are more similar than not, and after death we must all revert to some form of likeness. I wonder if these are dead people, but I figure that Kahale would have said something by now if they were.
But he hasn't, because they're not really there.
"Atti--"
"I--" I wince at how suddenly I seem to want to tell him my secret. I hesitate and he arches a brow. "I... You did teach me how to swim before, but..."
"Scared?" He gives me a kind smile and sets a hand on my shoulder. "I'm right here, so you're alright."
I can't help but to stare up and him and smile--even though I'm not convinced. Even if Kahale is here, with me in the water, they'd be able to grab me, draw me in, separate me from my only source of light.
I turn towards the shore, only now noticing how far from the knee-deep shallows we'd drifted.
"Maybe I am..." I shrug, leaning sideways and resting my weight against his shoulder, closing my eyes. I hope that they'll be gone soon.
I don't know how much time passes before I feel an arm drape over my shoulders. I guess it couldn't have been that long.
I try to imagine what the water looks like. Is it a bright, clear blue, like ice? Or more green, like algae or moss? Or is it a dark, muddy brown? Are there small Pokémon swimming in it--Magikarp or Horsea or Mantyke? In my mind I can imagine watching a baby Remoraid dart through shallow, cerulean water.
I open my eyes, staring straight down into the depths; through it, first, then upon it. It is not a blue nor clear, nor a green. It is not even brown. Instead, it is a strange sort of fiery color, devoid of bodies now; the sun is falling for the night, but in it's last stand it is shooting out bright oranges, yellows, reds, coppers, pinks, and golds, which reflect from the clouds down into the liquid that I'm currently so at the mercy of. It is a strange sort of purple-red right now, where I'm staring, but I soon move my gaze to gaze at the clouds. Today's sunset is beautiful and I'm awed into silence.
"Pretty, isn't it?"
I peer up at Kahale. I'm sure I'm smiling. Can he see through me? I wonder if he can read my mind. Even if he can't, he's still amazing. He's shining as bright as ever, a light of beautiful gold and white and rainbow-lining. Though I am fine for now, my mind settling in relaxation, he is typically the only light in my black world; all I can do is follow him, let him guide me, and hope he does not betray my trust and let me loose myself.
I simply nod in agreement. It is pretty. But not as pretty as the light he shines.
"I'll teach you to surf one of these days," he promises, rubbing my shoulder and gazing up to those beautiful clouds above. A few moments pass before I speak up.
"Kahale?" I call his name, but I'm looking down into the water, past it, watching as a Magikarp swims up to my foot, rubs against it, then darts away.
"Yeah?"
"Do you believe in God? Or a God? Any kind?"
He gives me a curious stare before shrugging, looking back up to the sky, as if the answer was written across it's expanse.
"I... I think there might be." I stutter, fiddling my thumbs together nervously. "I mean... After Tammy took me to that other region, and we ran into each other again... That was enough to make me wonder. Tammy would always preach about God to me but I never paid attention, but... I mean. But then we wound up back in this region, and it's really weird. It's kind of amazing, though."
"Fate," he says, and I stare over at him curiously.
"What's that?"
"Fate is... Well, it's like a force that guides us all through life and determines what happens to us."
I twirl my thumbs together, still, watching as a leaf floats by on the water's surface, trying to understand the concept. If there was some outside force that controlled what happened to us all, did it control nature and Pokémon as well? Was that single leaf's fate to die, to float upon the ocean until it rots away, perhaps to never even stop--maybe even crossing oceans and touching the perimeters of far-off lands? Was fate really so cruel? And if there was a God, did He control fate?
While I'm pondering over these complexities, I absentmindedly slip my arms around Kahale's waist, leaning further against him. I must have closed my eyes and have dozed off, because the next thing I know, I feel my body being hoisted.
When I open my eyes, I realize that I'm being laid on my towel, which keeps me from getting too sandy--though, by now, sand has been kicked or blown onto it, but not much. I imagine Kahale's gone back to the water but soon returns with his board, shoving one end of it down into the sand and sitting beside me. As I sit up I rub my head, noticing that he's watching me.
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Yeah," He smiles, but he's not the only light in my world right now; the sun is still setting, casting light upon the world--if only for another hour or so.
"Sorry..." I mutter and stare around nervously. There are two other people still on the beach. One's a girl and one's a guy, and they're together, the girl in the guy's lap, and they're kissing. I bite the tip of my tongue to keep from saying anything to Kahale that might ruin our friendship.
"Don't be," he says, and I realize I was hardly paying attention to him as he spoke.
"I don't like being such a bother to you, though..." I know I'm whining now, but I can't help it. I am a bother to him. I'm always around him, making demands of attention and being so needy.
"You're not,"
I stare over at him curiously, tilting my head.
"How could I not be?"
He gives me a look but I have no clue what it means. I'm not too good with figuring out peoples' moods. I wonder what that face means.
"How could you be?" he finally asks, smiling. I love his smile, and I always enjoy seeing it, but I don't know why.
"I'm always just... hanging around. And bothering you with my problems."
"You're not a bother. And you never even tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if you don't tell me, you know."
I can't breathe. Why? Why can't I breathe? Am I afraid? I don't want Kahale to know my secret. I am afraid. I'm afraid of what he may think of me when he founds out. And yet, now, moreso than ever before, I want to tell him. I want to let him know because it's hit me, just now, that he wouldn't want to know if he didn't care at all.
He's staring at me and I'm staring back. There must be something unsettling about my face because he looks away after a few seconds. I see his vision settle upon the still-kissing couple. I wonder why his face seems darker all of a sudden and I reach up, brushing the back of my hand against his cheek. He jumps, then laughs, and I give a curious frown.
"Are you sick? Your face is so warm." I move to me knees and straddle his nearest leg, cupping his face in my hand. "Maybe you spent too much time in the sun today."
He shrugs. I can't tell what his expression means.
"Maybe I'm just happy." he suggests, and I'm completely lost. I look over again to the couple; they're laying on the sand and the girl's arms are wrapped around her boyfriend's neck.
Then I wonder over the word boyfriend for awhile. A friend that is a boy. Kahale and I are both boys, and we're both friends--at least, so I prefer to think. So does that mean we're boyfriends? I want to ask but, isntead, I just ask him, "Why?"
"Because I got to spend the day with you,"
I bite my lip, head tilting down but eyes still fixed upon him. My chest feels suddenly tight, I suppose because of what he said, but I'm not quire sure what emotion I'm experiencing. Whatever it is, though, it's pleasant, and I realize that I want to experience more of it.
"Are we boyfriends?" I decide to ask. Kahale's face suddenly becomes dark again, and I notice the subtle increase in heat--my hands are still on his cheeks, so it's easy to feel. The look on his face completely baffles me and I feel a bit of regret for asking, yet I'm not entirely sure why.
"I--we... I mean..." He's stumbling over his words. It's something I do constantly, but I can't remember a time in the past where he has, and I feel responsible. A nagging sensation in my gut tells me I shouldn't have asked. "That's... entirely up to you... D-do... Do... you... want to... be...?" He's pausing and stuttering so much as he speaks that I can only barely manage to piece together what he's saying. Yet it makes me think. If I want to be? Do I want to be? Does that mean we aren't really friends?
"I kind of thought we already were," I say, pouting. But as soon as I say this I regret it, again, for Kahale's face has somehow become darker and hotter.
"O-oh... Uh..."
He must be at a loss for words; he doesn't speak for another few moments. I release his head and sit in his lap, leaning my side against him and tucking my head against his neck. I can feel his pulse and hear his heartbeat; I become a little worried over how fast it's going, but then I forget because I've dozed off again.
I wake up to the sound of running water. I feel a bit too warm and kick the thin sheet off me, but the sun's warming my skin and I only manage to get away by promptly falling off the bed. As I sit up and rub my aching head I see Kahale slip out of the bathroom, looking at me, a toothbrush stuck between his teeth. He gives me a sweet smile and I smile back, and he disappears into the bathroom again.
I crawl back onto the bed and try to fall back asleep, but now I'm wide awake. Even if I was tired, the dull pain in my head would probably keep me from sleeping. So I just sit up and lean back against the post, watching the bathroom door until Kahale emerges again, still shirtless and wearing just swimming trunks. Still shining bright rays of gold.
"Good morning," he says, moving over to the curtains and drawing them completely open. I wince and shield my eyes, but he doesn't notice.
"Your skin looks darker again," I comment, and he's grabbing a towel and tucking his surf board under his arm.
"Yeah, that's just a tan. You don't tan, though."
"No," I say, and for a minute I wonder why. "My skin's already dark, though. I don't want it to match trees, you know." He chuckles and I smile. My mind's still a bit hazy, and I'm glad, because my world is well-lit this morning.
"Well, I'm gonna go down while it's still early. Come down when you're ready, kay?" I nod, and he grabs one of the card keys off the table. "Don't forget to eat something." I simply nod once more, and he smiles and gives me a little wave as he slips his feet into a pair of sandals, finally leaving.
I probably spend half an hour just sitting there, watching the door, as if he were going to suddenly come back. Then I slip outside, onto the balcony which overlooks the sea, and am greeted by darkness. In that darkness I can see my light, perfectly amazing and riding a wave of black. I blink slowly, and my eyes sting as they fill with light, and it's hard to find Kahale amongst the waves. I probably spend an hour just watching him, going between blackness and painful light, before I slip back inside and change--a black tank top and black shorts. Not the same ones as yesterday, though. Green sandals, though I can't really place the exact shade, but they remind me of grass. I grab my towel and the card key, briefly staring over at the basket with various fruits and berries stuffed in it.
Oh, that's right. Kahale told me to eat something, didn't he? I manage to grab one of the berries, though I don't pay much attention as to which. Some people don't like berries; some people think they're only fit for Pokémon to eat. I, myself, don't see any reason to eat much else. Well, aside from the salty stuff Kahale carries around in such excess quantity. Beef jerky, I believe. I wonder if there's any hidden somewhere but decide against searching and eat the fruit quickly, finishing it in three bites. It's not that big. I decide to grab the small cooler and stuff it with a few drinks before slipping out of the hotel room. I'm paranoid; I know the doors lock automatically, but I check it anyway.
Once at the shore I lay out my blanket besides where Kahale's is and set the cooler on the edges of both, then kick my shoes off. It's hot today and I'm glad I wore a sleeveless. I watch Kahale for a few minutes, glad my world seems to be bright this morning, if only until the clouds come back, and eventually I make my way into the shallows. There's a bucket half-burried in the soaked sand and there isn't anyone around to claim it, so I take it for myself and sit in the four-inch water, holding the bright orange thing between my legs and digging through the sand, trying to find pretty rocks or seashells.
Eventually Kahale comes and fetches me. We drink some of whatever I shoved in the cooler, which is where I hide the small bucket with the seashells in it. He surfs a bit more and I just watch. Once I go out to the pier because I see a Skurskit and want to try catching it by hand, but it keeps just out of arm reach, purposely teasing me. Eventually it dances away and I return to the towels. Not much later Kahale takes me to get lunch at one of the stands on the boardwalk. He eats some kind of sandwich and I just nibble at some pastry filled with cream, which I hardly manage to finish even though it's barely the side of my fists if I were to hold them together. We spend the rest of the day on the beach, again, just like yesterday. But nothing interesting happens. I nearly fall asleep while we're walking back to the hotel room in the settling dusk.
Today was a day of light, and I'm glad. Tomorrow, I don't know. Hopefully it will be of light so I can enjoy myself. I wonder what the next few days will be like. It's a vacation, and I'm really enjoying myself. I know that in a few days we'll be returning to what we were doing before but I don't much care, though I wish we could spend all of our days like this. I love the beach, as much as it scares me. The water always feels nice. I wonder what it's like in winter, and think of icy sand as I fall asleep. I wake up holding onto Kahale's arm, and he's fast asleep, and I realize it's still dark out. I can see the moon well so I know it's not just me, and for awhile I just watch Kahale sleep. Eventually I fall back asleep myself, though, curled up against his arm. It's hot out and we're not even under sheets. He even radiates warmth. If it was anything else, I would have shoved it away. But this warmth is okay, because it's warmth that shines with a golden-rainbow light.
As I fall asleep, I decide that, if tomorrow is a light day, I'll let him teach me to surf.
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 6, 2009 23:43:11 GMT -5
------------------------------------------------------------- PART TWO - Do jeans even come in a size-negative? -------------------------------------------------------------
There's a faint humming in the background, though I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps it's the crowd of other people talking, the conversations melding so easily into each other. I'm paying attention to only one voice, excluding my own--though it's almost a chore to ignore the other ones ringing in my ears, the ones that I know are only in my mind. They're always talking to me, always saying things to me. I don't want to hear what they have to say, but I can't ignore them as well as I can other people.
"They're too big," I say casually, though I notice there's a bit of a whine to my voice. For some reason, it makes me feel bad.
"What do you mean, they're too big?" Kahale asks, poking his head into the changing stall between the curtain and the wall.
"I mean," I say, slowly, and release my hold on the near-black jeans I'm attempting to try on; they fall to the ground despite being zippered and buttoned up, showing my bare legs and black boxers instead. "They're too big."
Kahale's face looks shocked for a second, but then I notice it's become something I can't quite place. I see that expression a lot nowadays, but I'm not entirely sure why. I still wish I could understand it.
"What? What's with that face?" I finally ask, frowning. I notice that his cheeks look darker than usual and he just shakes his head and pulls his head out. "I did warn you... I'm not good at clothes shopping. Maybe I should try girls' jeans, they have thin legs."
"They are girls sizes," I hear him groan. "And no, you have thin legs. Those are a size zero. Do they even make size-negative jeans?"
I kick the jeans aside and slip out of the curtain, peering over at him. Some people probably wouldn't expose themselves in just their underwear, but I really don't care. They're like shorts, anyway. "I don't know. This is why I don't wear jeans." I just smile and slip back into the stall, grab my jacket, shorts, and the jeans, and slip back out. By the time I sit down beside Kahale I've pulled my shorts back on--today they're a khaki color, but they have dark brown lines on them at random parts, which I think is weird.
"I don't need pants, you know."
"Then what do you wear when it gets cold?"
"Belts. I have some jeans already, anyway. They're big on me, though."
He rolls his eyes and I frown, but we soon leave. In the end I only buy a few cool shirts. For some reason it seemed surprising to Kahale that I paid for them myself, and I realize that he has no clue that I have my own money. I don't even really remember where I got it, though.
We slip out of the store, and my eyes settle on a person standing near the door. It's a woman, I can tell--she has a baby pressed up against her chest, and I imagine she's feeding it. But all I see in her face are two empty eye sockets with bugs crawling out of them. I'm sure she's actually fine, and I simply turn my head. Even so, I can't help but shudder.
It's raining today. Kahale and I are still on our vacation but, due to the rain--which I don't at all mind--we didn't stay on the beach. So we're on the boardwalk. There are a lot of cool stores here.
"Wanna get some lunch?"
"Sure," I mutter, and toss him a smile. I'm not hungry--I never am, I only ever eat when Kahale tells me to--but he seems to know that; he wouldn't say anything if he wasn't hungry, so of course I'm not going to say no. Besides, food tastes good. Usually.
So we go to some cozy place with black and white checkered walls. I comment that I like the design and Kahale reminds me that one of my new shirts has checkers on it. I've forgotten, so I'm amused for a few minutes while looking at the shirts again while we wait for our order--Kahale got a burger, I think. I got some sort of thing with cheese. A quesadilla, I think, but I'm not sure. When our food comes I only manage to eat two slices of the thing before I'm full, so Kahale eats the last three slices for me in between bites of his burger. I keep my eyes downcast the whole time, though, because I don't want to look around and see everyone. They're all looking at me, I know it. But I try to pretend that I don't.
Today's a light-day for me, though not really. There are dark days, where everything is black and all I can see is Kahale shining gold and rainbows and white. There are light days, when everything's normal--when things are like what I recall them being like when I wasn't out of medication. Then there are days like these; I can see fine, but... But everything's so wrong. I almost prefer dark days because then I don't have to see people. I don't have to see eyeballs hanging out of sockets or half-bodied children. It's disturbing. You can't possibly imagine.
I know I'm not right.
Kahal doesn't. I haven't told him yet. I don't want to ever have to tell him because I don't want him to leave me.
I do have to look up eventually, though, because we're leaving. I gather my shirts back into the bag and quietly follow Kahale out of the building. It's still raining; the water occasionally splashes off something or other and sprays my face, but I don't mind because it's refreshing.
"Let's go to the arcade," I suggest. We've been just walking along the boardwalk for a few moments and it's getting boring. I grab his arm, wrapping my own arms around his strong muscles, and smile as I pull him towards a nearby building flashing with neon lights. "I bet I can beat you at air hockey."
Of course, it turns out that I can't beat him at air hocket. He wins twice in a row. Then again. So I give up and decide to try out one of those coin-drop games. I don't really get what it's all about but Kahale explains it to me while I'm dropping in a coin. You have to put in a coin and try to time it right. When it retracts, the back pushes against your coin and, hopefully, coins in the very front will fall off the edge and into the pot below, and you get tickets. The more coins you drop into the pot, the more tickets you get.
Kahale wanders off to play some kind of hoop game. I don't pay much attention to what it is, because I'm dropping in a couple coins at a time into the machine. I manage to get five sliding down in at once, sort of. When the back pushes them all forward, so many coins in the front start dropping that I get the attention of a few people around me. They're watching me--and I know, at least for a few minutes, that I'm not imagining it. Some are eying the tickets spewing out from the little slot, but no one pays attention for long.
I fold up the tickets and shove them into my pocket. The machine I'm at doesn't look like I can get many more to drop so I go to another machine. I figure that my other tactic worked well enough, so I repeat the same five-coin-drop process here. A lot of coins fall. A lot of tickets come out. By the time I've repeated this process at all the machines, I've had to grab a large cup to keep all the tickets in, and even still it barely holds them all, even neatly folded up.
I lean up against the front counter and push the cup of tickets--and many extras--towards one of the workers, who pours them out into some kind of machine that counts them. At least, that's what it seems like. I try not to pay attention to the man himself, though.
While the machine's counting my tickets, Kahale comes over. He smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back. He's got such a cool smile. Cool doesn't seem like the right word, though. What would be the right word? I'm not sure.
The man behind the counter captures my attention again and hands me a slip of paper.
"Seven thousand four-hundred and fifty-five tickets." he says. I just nod, looking over the paper for a moment before turning to Kahale and smiling.
"What should I get?" I ask, leaning against him. I guess seven thousand four-hundred and fifty-five tickets is a lot, because he looks stunned. So I turn back to look at the shelves lined with toys and gadgets. Most of them are cheap, but some of them are quite expensive. I bet a lot of people waste a lot of money only to get prizes that are worth less than half of what they actually spent for tokens.
There are lots of plushies here. There are Pikachu, Pachirisu, Pidgey. Mostly those. There are a couple others, though, most of which I can't quite tell what they are. But there is one that catches my eye; its a Politoad. I remember that there was a magician who visited us in the ward a few times, and he had a Politoad, except his was pink and blue. For a moment I only remember the ward, however, and I just stare at it forlornly; then I remember how much fun it was when they visited. I think I'll get that.
"I want that one," I say, pointing to the life-sized Pokémon plush. He grabs it and hands it to me, then takes my paper and writes something down.
"You have four thousand four-hundred and fifty-five tickets left."
That's a lot. I frown for a second, but smile brightly as the man pulls the plush from the shelf and hands it to me.
"Do you want anything? I don't know what to get." I offer, leaning sideways against Kahale and staring up at him. He shakes his head with a smile. "Oh. Okay." So I right myself and look down into the glass counter. There's a lot of little stuff in there. Some bigger things. Some different types of TMs and pokeballs. There's some sort of electronic thing that costs four-thousand tickets. It looks pretty cool, so I tell him I want that. He pulls out one of the boxes and hands it over to me. I pick out some sort of four-hundred ticket spinning toy that I plan to give my Pok?mon, and as many of the five-ticket peppermints that I can get. I've used up every single ticket and I'm quite happy.
"Can you hold this for me for a second?" I ask, pouting up at Kahale. I know I don't have to add that pout, and for a second I feel bad for doing so. But he smiles and holds the Politoad plush under one of those big, strong arms of his. It takes a lot of effort for me to hold it with both of my arms, and he so easily just holds it with one. He's so strong.
I turn back to the man pushing the peppermint candies towards me and shove them all in a side pocket in my shorts, which zips closed sideways. The spinning toy is in a box and the man gives me a small bag to keep it in, which I manage to fit the electronic thing in as well. No, I'm not really sure what the thing is, but it looks cool. And it cost a lot of tickets. So, hopefully, it's worth it.
As we walk outside of the arcade I notice that it's somehow gotten darker. The rain's falling heavier and the clouds are such a dark gray that for a moment I wonder if it's my imagination. But I hear someone commenting to someone else how dark the sky is today and decide that this must be natural.
For a moment I lean against Kahale and look around, holding the bag to my chest. Almost straight across the street from where I'm standing is some old couple selling berries and fruits. Some I recognize, some I don't; I see some exotic-looking pink and yellow one.
"Let's head back before it gets much worse," Kahale says, turning away from me, in the direction of the hotel we're staying at.
"You go ahead. I wanna see what that cool-looking berry tastes like," I tell him, pointing over at the old couple's stall. They seem to be closing for the day, but I figure they won't mind another customer. He smiles and nods and holds the two bags I hand to him, though I don't hear him walking away as I slip out from under the cover of the boardwalk's overhead and simply walk over to the stall. Not run. I dislike having to run, it makes me really tired and hurts my chest. "Uh, hi." I try to smile at them, but their mouths are hanging open and bleeding. The lady's hair almost looks like it's on fire, and I can't tell if that's her natural hair color or if it's just me. I keep my eyes down, trying hard to not think of their faces. Of any faces. "I'd like to try this one," I pluck up one of the pink-and-yellow fruits and pay for it--it's expensive, for fruit. But when I bite into it I don't at all care, because it's absolutely delicious. So I buy the last few they have--as well as a few other berries and fruit. I try not to touch the old man's hand as I pay, but I still feel cold, wet skin touching my own, and it sends goosebumps riding along my flesh. It feels slimey.
I give a little bow and pretend to smile as I turn and half-skip back through the rain to the other side where Kahale is still waiting for me. I'm soaked now, but I don't care. It feels really nice.
"Ready?" he asks, but he knows I am. I just nod and continue nibbling at the fruit.
"Taste this," I practically demand, ripping off a piece of the fruit and holding it up to him. "It's amazing."
He looks over at me and takes it, though he seems a bit... What? I don't really know. Maybe hesitant. But he grins when he tastes it and nods.
"You're right, that's really good. It's sweet."
We're mostly quiet as we walk the rest of the way back to the hotel. Kahale only gets a bit damp so he doesn't need to change, but I'm soaked so I put the fruit on the counter in the kitchen-like area of the room and strip, carelessly tossing the wet clothes onto the tile. They practically stick to each other almost as much as they were stickign to my skin.
Even though he didn't need to, Kahale changes anyway. He was wearing jeans but now he's just wearing some sweat pants. By the time he comes back I've already changed and am drying my hair with a towel I found in the bathroom. I'm on the patio with the door wide open, just standing there barefoot while I furiously rub at my hair.
"The storm's getting pretty bad," I comment when I hear him walking around behind me. "Oh! Did you see that? Lightning." I grin, curling my toes against the cold cement. But it's getting a bit too chilly for me so I close the door and slip back inside, fall onto the bed, and toss the towel aside. My Politoad plush is there, as well as the bag with the toy and the electronic thing. I set them on the nearby lamp table and just hug the stuffed toy, watching Kahale turn on the TV and change to the weather station. He sits on the edge of the bed and I can tell that he's completely concentrating on watching the large dark-green blob rolling over our area of the map. It's large and covering a good portion of the shown map, but the way it's traveling shows that it won't last as ont on our part of the region.
"For those vacationing along the beach, you'll see some pretty nasty weather for the rest of the evening through the night. The rain will let up sometime in the early-AM, around 2 or 3 in the morning, and will probably cover the area in a dense fog that will dissipate by sunrise. Expect heavy rains until. These red parts show where thunderstorms will probably show up."
I listened to the weather man as he spoke but when he started talking about the city neighboring the one we were in, I divided my attention back to Kahale.
"At least it'll clear up by tomorrow," I mutter, sitting up and leaning my head against the back of his neck.
"Yeah, but it probably won't be safe to surf or swim until later in the evening at the least." He turns the TV on mute and hands me the controller, which I just set on the lamp table. I gently move aside my new stuffed Pokémon and pull him backwards onto the bed. He gives me an odd stare for a moment, even as I hug his arm against my chest and nose into his shoulder. But then he smiles and I smile back before I close my eyes. I'm really tired.
I don't fall asleep right away despite how tired I am. For awhile I listen to the rain and the thunder. Eventually I realize that I'm dreaming, but it's nothing new. Bugs. Chanting. It's the same as every night, because I'm always haunted in my dreams. It's normal for me, though, so they don't bother me as much as they used to.
But even as I sleep, I'm drowning in the scent of rainwater and Kahale.
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 6, 2009 23:44:43 GMT -5
------------------------------------------------------------- PART THREE - Don't sleep with pointy things in your pocket, Kahale. -------------------------------------------------------------
Blacks melt into grays as reds drip down, sliding eternally, never stopping. Blood, it's blood; so bloody that I think I'm inside my own heart, but I know I'm not because I'm standing on top of a building. There's a breeze this winter, pulling in hot air and starving the tides. It's cold, so cold that I'm sweating.
I wake up sweating to a loud roar of thunder. My eyes see nothing but darkness, at fist; darkness and a mist of faces, some with arms extending towards me. So I squeeze my lids shut then snap them back open, and I'm met with the sight of the hotel room's kitchen. I realize that I'm not breathing only when my vision starts to go fuzzy and I'm practically drowned in air when I open my lips. I pant for a few minutes, sitting up slowly, rubbing the side of my face as I try to catch my breath. Then I'm rubbing my head, looking around--first to the empty other half of the bed, then to the patio. Then to the kitchen. Then to the door.
Where's Kahale?
The TV's still on, and it's still muted. The Politoad plush is not on the bed anymore, but it is set on the chair nearby where the bed is. The rain's still coming down, and I can tell that it's a real storm out there by the fact that I can hardly hear the rain at all, even; rather, it's the dull background noise of rain that I hear, not the rain itself. Raikou barks and thunder splits my head open; it's so sudden and so loud that I have to shove my hands over my ears. Even then they're ringing. It's hardly a second later that white flashes outside, so white that for a moment I think I've passed out. But it's gone as soon as it came and I have to chide myself; I don't pass out anymore. I used to do so all the time, but I eat a lot better now and I haven't actually blacked out for well over a year. But that's because of who I've been traveling with.
But where is he? Where's Kahale?
I can't breathe for a moment and I realize that I'm panicking. There's no bright gold in my vision right now; no rainbows; no white. No dazzling, blinding white. And I'm terrified, because I've never woken up to him not being there before. Never.
There's a sudden brightness in the hotel room, though, and for a moment I think it's him, I feel completely relieved; but then it's gone. No sooner than it is, however, it's replaced by a faint aura of gold and I breathe a sigh of relief. He was just in the bathroom. I suppose I simply couldn't make out the sound of the sink with the storm outside.
"You alright?" he asks, suddenly, frowning over at me. I don't think I'm smiling, but maybe I am. Either way, I just nod, leaning forward and grabbing my toes. I'm still a bit sweaty even though I'm not even under the sheet. He nods faintly and slips back into bed, sitting down beside me and watching me for a moment. I look over at him and arch a brow, wondering why he's staring at me like that. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asks, frowning deeply.
"I'm fine," I say, quite simply. I don't get why he thinks something's wrong. "Why?"
"You look kind of shaken, is all." He smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulders--a faint hug, sort of. I know that he probably won't try much harder so I slip my arms around his neck and hug him, pulling myself into his lap. I don't really understand why people hug each other, but I figure that if they hug me, they're the ones whom want to hug. I guess it's probably impolite to not hug them back. At least, that's what it seems to be.
We stay like that for a few moments before I slip off him to the side and lay down. When he lays down beside me, I curl up against his side, my knees wrapped around his thigh. I rub a thumb along his chest, tracing the lines of a muscle of some sort. I don't know which, but I really don't know what any of them are. It doesn't matter.
Kahale's so strong. For a few moments I wonder how he got to be so fit, so powerful; so very opposite of how I am. I used to think that people that are strong had rough lives--that they needed to defend themselves or something. But Kahale's so nice, and he seems too perfect to have had a rough history. It was awhile ago that I suspended my prior belief.
I suppose I fell asleep because I realize I'm having a nightmare. I don't realize, however, that in reality I'm curling around Kahale's leg, shoving my face against his hip bone, and squeezing onto him as tight as possible because I'm so afraid--at least, not until I wake up. There's a stifled gasp and I can hear heavy breathing, and it's that along with the thunder that awakens me.
I'm shuddering. I wake up panting and can practically feel my fingers digging into skin beneath Kahale's close. I don't know where I'm touching, only that my knuckles hurt so I slowly release my gasp. I keep my eyes closed for a moment as I try to sit up, rubbing as hard as I can against my eyes. It hurts a bit but I finally open them; the left one, which I was rubbing, takes quite awhile to adjust because of the pressure I was putting against it. I can feel my back pressing against Kahale's arm and realize that I turned around while sitting up, somehow.
I swear I feel him shivering behind me and peer over. He's turning away from me, though, and his face looks really dark and yet really pale at the same time. I don't get how in the world that's possible and realize that half of that's probably just my imagination. But when I lean up and press the back of my hand against his cheek he winces, and I can feel the heat practically radiating off his face.
"Are you sick?" I ask, frowning, having completely forgotten about my nightmare. Having completely forgotten about how I was digging my fingers into his body earlier. "You feel like you have a really bad fever."
"I... I'm fine!" he snaps, and I wince--so does he, but he turns away.
It hurts.
It hurts that he did that.
Why'd he turn away like that?
I bit my lip and look away to the side. He's twitching a bit, and for a moment it's quiet. Thunder breaks the silence, and a moment later I hear him muttering something.
"I'm fine," he whispers, leaning back ever-so-slowly against the bed post. "Sorry. Sorry, yeah. I'm fine."
But I'm not convinced because he doesn't look like he is. He's breathing heavily and his eyes are closed, and while he's leaning back he's still sitting up and he looks like he's forcing himself to keep his arms crossed against his chest.
I move and straddle his waist, half sitting on his stomach and half sitting on his hip bones. He flinches as I do and I wonder if I've hurt him, but he seemed more shocked than in pain. Though I don't think I've ever actually seen him in pain before. Then again, have I ever really seen him shocked? He really almost does look like he's in pain, but I really tell.
"If you've got a fever then you need to take medicine..." I mutter, pressing my hands against his collar bone. I'm trying to get him to look at me but he won't turn his head in my direction; he just concentrates on the falling rain outside, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. I try to turn his head but he just looks the other way, now facing towards the door. And he won't look at me and it's starting to make my chest hurt, but I don't know why.
"What did I do?" I finally ask, able to sense the pathetic tone in my own voice. I feel defeated and I'm ready to give up because I'm sure I did something wrong, I'm sure I annoyed him somehow. Why else would he be acting this way?
He stares over at me, suddenly, and this weird look crosses his face. I don't think I've seen it before, but it looks sad and surprised at the same time, but there's just so much more to it and I'm completely lost as to what it could possibly mean. I'm so bad at deciphering his expressions. I've really never seen this one before.
"N... nothing... You didn't do anything, alright?" he whispers, raising his hands and cupping my face. I'm looking down now, at my waist, but I peer up through my bangs when he talks to me. I'm not convinced. "Alright?"
Now I'm the one who won't meet his gaze. I just look to the side and sigh heavily, before I just close my eyes and lean forward, pressing my forehead against his shoulder. I want to just melt into him so I can read his mind. I just want to know what he's thinking. But I slowly turn around so my back is against his chest and I look up at him and smile. I can't read his mind, so I'll just be happy. Maybe that'll help.
"I'm going back to sleep," I murmur, tugging on his arm and leaning sideways so that when I fall and lay on my side, his arm is draped over my shoulder and his chest is still to my back. It's warm, and despite that I'm still hot, it's okay, because this warmth is nice. This warmth is pleasant. I feel him nod against the top of my head as I close my eyes.
I yawn, and I'm already half asleep, so I don't even think about it when I say, "You shouldn't sleep with stuff in your pocket, Kahale, you could hurt yourself or break whatever it is." Not even a second later I've forgotten I'd even said anything because I'm so tired, but I feel like his body has somehow gotten warmer.
I fall asleep pretty easily.
During the night, I think I wake up a couple of times. Once, I swear, I felt a rubbing against the bag of my thigh, but I'm not sure. Another time, what felt like only moments after the rubbing sensation, I think I hear heavy breathing--but I figure it's just my dream. I am, however, positive that I woke up a third time and heard Kahale moving around, getting off the bed. But he replaces himself a moment later with his arm back over my shoulder and I think he kisses my neck, right under my ear, but that may have been my imagination, too.
I don't dream at all that night. We both slept almost all afternoon and night--or at least, I did. I wake up feeling quite well, not tired but a little stiff because of sleeping in the same position for many hours. I sit up and stretch, rubbing the side of my head, the spot that always hurts when I wake up in the morning no matter how many times I rub it, peering around. Kahale's in the kitchen area, watching the weather channel which is on, but the volume's turned down a bit. He smiles at me when he realizes I'm awake and turns the TV's sound up so he can hear it better. He's eating one of those fruits I bought yesterday, and I'm craving one, too, so I drag myself over to the counter and practically fall off the bar chair that I try to sit in. Somehow I manage to succeed and grab one of the yummy fruits, though I miss my mouth trying to take a bite. Kahale didn't notice, though, because he was paying attention to the weatherman.
"Today's looking really nice for those at the beach! The rain's all gone and it's cooled down the ocean temperature. It's going to be really hot today so enjoy the fresh, cool water while it lasts! Just be mindful of coves where the tides might still be pulling out into the ocean. Now back to Storm Watch as we continue to track the--" Kahale's turned off the TV and is opening the curtains. I have to shield my eyes because it's so bright. Even so, Kahale is more radiant, and I see him before I do the rest of the room.
He goes to get changed and before I know it, he's leaving, telling me to come down when I'm ready; to make sure to eat, even though he can see I'm eating as he says that; and to not forget the card key. I just smile as he leaves and fail once more at trying to take a bite of my breakfast.
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Post by αℓℓı on Sept 6, 2009 23:46:07 GMT -5
------------------------------------------------------------- PART FOUR - Does sand freeze over? -------------------------------------------------------------
I wake up to screaming.
I sit up quickly, holding my breath and staring around. I'm terrified.
I think, as I see how normal the world is, that it was my imagination. Then I hear another scream and snap my head in the direction of the sudden noise. It's only then that I notice the TV is on; there's some old-looking movie. It looks like a bad horror film.
Rubbing the aching point on my forehead, I look towards the kitchen where Kahale is cutting up some fruit into a large, white bowl.
"Good morning," he says, smiling over at me. "Want some breakfast?"
"Sure," I mutter, still trying to adjust my eyes to the brightness of the room. "What time is it?"
"About nine."
I watch him as he dishes some of the colorful fruit into a bowl and sets a spoon in the dish. As I pull myself out of bed and shuffle over to the counter, he pushes the bowl towards me. For a moment I just balance in my seat; then, finally, I spoon some of the mixed bits of fruit into my mouth. It's really sweet and I can even specifically taste that new pink-and-yellow fruit mixed in it.
"Today's the last day that we're gonna be here. Anything specific you'd like to do before we leave?"
I peer over at him through my bangs and shake my head as I swallow my mouthful.
"Nothing I can really think of."
He nods, leaning on the counter as he chews on some of the fruit himself.
"You?" I ask, offering up a smile. He shakes his head and shrugs, picking up the remote and turning the TV off.
"I'll probably just surf."
I nod, smiling and gyrating in my chair before I take another bite of my food. It's quiet for a few minutes and we just eat, and I'm full by the time I finish what little bit he gave me.
Eventually I'm in what I wore a couple days ago--a black sleeveless shirt and black shorts--and Kahale's in his swimming trunks. We grab our towels and I shove a couple of the flavored waters into the cooler, noticing that the bucket with shells in it is still there. Once we make sure we have the card keys we leave and head down to the shore.
Kahale goes out further than usual; the waves are pretty large today, though that might just be my imagination. At the least, he looks like he's enjoying himself. The air is really hot and sticky and I almost feel like it's choking me. But the water feels absolutely amazing; it doesn't even sting my eyes when it splashes in my face.
For awhile I just dig through the sand and collect more seashells. Then, when I bore of that, I go out on the pier and walk all the way down to the edge; it's really wobbly and I feel like I'll fall off but I sit on the edge anyway. It dips down a bit into the water as I do and I figure a normal person of a healthy weight would cause it to go completely under; I know that I'm not that kind of person, though. I know I should gain weight, and I do like eating. I just forget all the time. Besides, I can't eat much. I get sick if I eat more even if I'm full.
For a few moments I sit there, kicking my legs back and forth. The water's pretty clear but, even so, I can't judge how deep the water is below the pier. There are a couple small boats tied to metal posts so I figure it has to be pretty deep. Even so, Kahale's still out further than I am. Out further but to my left is an anchored-down deck just out in the middle of the water. I wonder if I can swim over to it. It's a nice day out today, completely light, I can't even see bodies floating by in the water, so I'm not really scared. Even so, I decide against trying to swim out there and spend a few more moments on the pier before I decide to go back to the shore.
I relax for awhile, laying down on the towel and sipping at some weird-tasting water. Kahale comes over soon and we go get lunch and hang out on the boardwalk for a few minutes, just on the edge of the beach where we can still even see our stuff. I got some really yummy egg roll and a dumpling; Kahale thought of getting a sandwich but settled for some sort of piece of meat on a pointy stick.
We just sit there and watch people for probably half an hour before we return to the beach. Kahale spends an hour trying to teach me how to surf but I can't even balance on that board of his so I give up and go back to collecting shells while he swims a bit then goes back to surfing as some tall waves start rolling in.
It's getting late and I've stopped collecting shells. I'm just sitting in the shallows, feeling the water splash against my back while I watch the people on the beach. When I bore of that I turn around to enjoy the water against my face and watch those whom are swimming--but, specifically, I'm watching Kahale surf.
He's so cool.
For a moment I peer over to my left. The couple from the other day is here again; they're standing in water about to the girl's thighs and he's got his arm around her waist. They're talking, but I can't hear them because they're a bit far off. I see him lean down and kiss her briefly but then they're making out so I turn away.
I'm probably watching him for an hour as the sun begins to set when he rolls over into the shallows and slides off his board. He sticks it in the mud-like sand below and sits beside me, giving me a smile as he does.
"About ready to leave? You look bored."
"I'm not." I assure him. I smile and turn to face him. "The sunset's pretty tonight."
He nods, but then gives me a curious look.
"What?" I demand, pouting.
He laughs and shakes his head and I wonder what he found so funny, but then I forget because I'm staring at the clouds. My back's to the shore--though Kahale's facing me, meaning he's facing the shore. After a moment I slide sideways so I'm in front of him and move to sit on my knees, running my fingers through the soaked sand below.
"We should come here again," I say, though I'm really asking. I smile and crawl up against him. I feel my calf touching his toes and for a split second it amuses me, but then I've forgotten because I'm pressing my hands into his leg to lean closer to him. "It's so nice here. I wonder what it's like to live here all year long."
"Winters are probably cold," he reasons, sliding his hand along the outside of my thigh--though the motion seems a bit hesitant, and while I'm not sure why I don't ask. "Probably doesn't freeze through enough to ice skate."
"Does sand freeze over?"
He shakes his head and for a moment I watch him, then I shrug and stare out past him towards the ocean. His hand's slowly sliding up my arm--the arm which is connected to the hand that I'm pressing against his leg with. It seems like inertia is working on him even against gravity because he keeps moving his hand up; when I feel him running a finger along my jawline, I can't help but look up at him curiously.
I notice then that our faces seem a lot closer than they did before. I haven't moved so I asume that he did. He looks dark up close, but perhaps that's just a tan. I smile for a second--his hand's still moving but stops when his palm is cupping my cheek.
"Atticus..." he mumbles--I can barely hear him--and I just give him a curious look. He stares down and towards the side a bit. I wonder why our faces are so close and it reminds me of that one couple that I've seen a few times on this vacation. They're always kissing, and even when they're not their faces are close to each other's. Close like this. I'd noticed before that if they weren't kissing but they were this close they were talking.
Well, Kahale and I aren't talking. At least, I don't think we are. Nor are we kissing. So why are our faces so close? He's still staring away and hasn't said anything since speaking my name, so it doesn't seem like he wants to talk. When I feel one of his fingers tap my lower lip--why's he trembling?--I wonder if he has something to say or not; and if it's the latter, then it must be the other option of the two.
Right?
I figure it should be. I don't see why he staring away though. What's the big deal, anyway? People do it all the time out in public.
So I figure that must be it. I reach up and cup his cheeks in my hands--they're really, really warm, and it baffles me why they would be, but I don't ask--and lean up and press my lips against his. I notice that I've closed my eyes and while I'm not sure why, I feel like it'd be weird to have my eyes open, though I'm completely confused as to why I think so. I feel Kahale flinch; he's still trembling and his face is somehow even hotter. After a quick second I start to pull away but right as I do he leans against me, pressing our lips together once more. His hand that was touching my cheek is curled around my shoulders; his other hand is holding my waist and I can feel his fingers digging into my skin, though I hardly notice it; it doesn't hurt and I barely register the sensation.
He finally pulls his face back a couple inches from mine. I open my eyes to see him looking at me, though he looks... I don't know, but the word 'scared' comes to mind, and it almost creeps me out. But not quite. I bat my eyelashes for a second before I smile, moving my hands to rest against his shoulders; I feel my palms pressing into his collar bone. I slip into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck; I'm really tired, and he's such a great pillow. As I curl up against him I can feel his heartbeat, and it's really fast. I wonder why, but I don't think about it too long because I eventually realize that I've fallen asleep.
I'm not sure how much time passes but I wake up to a gentle rocking sensation. I briefly remember waking up to walk somewhere, then somewhere else, but I can't really remember it in enough detail to be sure that I wasn't dreaming it all up.
I'm on the train, I realize. It's dark outside, blues melting with a tint of purple in the air and upon the sky. Peering around I notice Kahale seated in the seat opposite me; then I notice we're in a small private compartment. My head's in my Politoad plush's lap; Kahale's surf board is leaned up between the edge of his seat and the side of the train; our bags are in a neat pile on the floor, which looks oddly clean for a train. I shift and notice there's a blanket around me. I then realize that I'm laying down, which explains why everything's sideways.
I sit up, rubbing that ever-annoying spot behind my right temple. Kahale peers over at me and smiles.
"Must be tired," he says softly. I shrug and kick the blanket off me--it's too hot under there. Then I pull myself out of the seat and stumble over to him and curl up in the seat next to his; I wrap my arms around his thigh and lay my head down upon it. I'm still tired. "Atticus?"
"Hmn?" Even through his pants I can feel his heart beat. I can feel his golden warmth radiating off him and right through me, right into the pit of darkness that just must be my soul, because I don't really think I have one. How could I?
"Do... do you... Uh..." He pauses for a moment. I swear I feel his heartbeat skip. "Do you, uh. You know, er... Want... to be... uh... er... b-bo... partners?" He stutters the whole way through and yet spits out the last word.
"Partners?" I ask, yawning; I feel him wince. I don't understand what he means by partners and I'm assuming he realizes that.
"Boyfriends," he says--and he says it so suddenly and swiftly that I hardly manage to catch what he even said.
"I thought I told you that we already are," I mutter, nosing my face against his thigh as if I could sink into it further. It's not a real pillow, so I can't, but it feels comforting to do it anyway.
He's quiet--his mouth is, anyway. His heartbeat's completely aflutter and I'm afraid for a minute that I'll hear it explode, but I never do. I don't fall asleep for awhile even though I'm tired; I concentrate on the sounds outside--of the train, of distant voices, of Pokémon out in the night; and of Kahale's heartbeat. I concentrate on the warmth he secretes every so faintly. He doesn't even know he does, I imagine.
Sometime during the night I notice a hand on my head, stroking my hair. Tammy used to do that sometimes, when I was trying to sleep. But I hated her touching me.
This is different.
This is comforting. This is nice.
This, I realize, I never want to loose.
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