Post by Kαlεεnα on Sept 9, 2009 0:05:34 GMT -5
[/center]WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
• • KALYNA ISAWESOME ! !
Oh. My. Gosh! This is totally an interview! Fweee! So, my name is Kalyna and just between you and me, I don't even acknowledge that I have a last name.
Wha-what do you mean 'why'? I don't recall interviewers also being therapists. Oh, OH! I am so sorry! My bad; you were just curious. Ummm... well, you see, if I acknowledged that I have a last name, that would also mean that I would have to acknowledge my parents' existence. Ew.
DO YOU GO BY ANY NICKNAMES ?
No. Isn't that sad? I never even thought of having a nickname before now. I always give other people nicknames but no one has ever done the same for me. Tch. What kind of world is this? That is so unfair! The next time I see someone I shall demand they give me a nickname!
ARE YOU MALE OR FEMALE ?
Huh? Was that a serious question? Well... my breasts feel pretty real and I don't have any man-parts. I'm pretty sure I'm one hundred percent girly.
HOW OLD ARE YOU ?
I'm sixteen years old. Isn't that so exciting?! I had a big birthday party with a whole bunch of strangers! It was kind of funny how they didn't realize the party was happening because it was my birthday, and not just because someone felt like having one. Silly people!
WHERE WERE YOU BORN ?
I'm from Kanto. Yeah, that's a pretty long ways away. I was born in Cerulean City, famous for its water Pokémon. It's a very nice place to live and I kind of miss not being at home anymore. But - whatever! I totally don't need all that drama anymore.
AND YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS ...?
What? No, I mean I don't understand the big word: orr-ee-tay-shin. What does that even mean? It doesn't matter how it's pronounced, just tell me the meaning of the word! ...Oh, OH! I get it now! Hmmm... Just a second, I need to think of a good way to explain this.
...Okay! So, I kind of have this thing against guys. Sorry, but they have cooties. So if I had to pick whether or not to marry a girl or guy, I'd have to go with a girl. Breasts just never seem to get boring! See how mine jiggle like this?
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY .
Well, I have a mom, a dad, three sisters and two brothers. Me? I'm the youngest of the family, unless another sprouted while I've been away. I doubt it, but... you never know.
Anyways, my mom totally favors my other sisters! Just because they like to go shopping and gardening. What's the big deal, anyways? It's not like doing those things are any fun. My sisters are such snobs too! They like to leave me out of the loop because I'm the youngest and apparently don't understand things. I am so much better than them! They're just jealous.
And my dad is so cool! Well, at least I used to think he was cool. That was until he started to favor my brothers because he thought they were more 'trainer material' than me. Like, what the hell?! I will be the best trainer ever and then he'll have to acknowledge my awesome-ness! As for his affections, my brothers, I love them. They were the ones who took me out on adventures outside and played with me all the time! Out of everyone, I miss them the most.
SO YOU'RE CAREER PATH WILL BE ...?
Like I said before, I will become the best trainer ever! I can't wait until I get the coolest team of Pokémon! I will be one of the greatest water Pokémon trainers anyone has ever seen!
...Yes, I know that catching water Pokémon requires using a rod sometimes. Well, duh, all fisher women have to have patience. Why are you stating the obvious like that? Fine, we'll drop the subject.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE .
Well, I have the most brilliant brown eyes! They're not the regular dark brown, instead, they're actually quite light. Isn't that so cool? I'm sure they are absolutely captivating! If I stared at you long enough, I'm sure you'd be hypnotized!
Okay, okay, I'll stop staring. What? My appearance? Oh, right! Where was I? Ummm... I have blonde hair. It's actually a dirty blonde color, and I keep my hair tied back all the time. It's a pain when it all gets in your face. Like, this one time, I was climbing a tree but I couldn't really see where to grab next branch because of my hair, and I sort of fell. It hurt... a lot. So ever since then I've kept my hair back.
And because I am outside most of the time my skin became really tanned. It's really nice to look at, actually! I am so glad my skin isn't the pale kind where just standing out in the sun for two seconds and it burns. Seriously, I'd have to go suicide; the outdoors is practically my life!
How boring! But if you insist I shall tell you about my height and weight. Tch. Well, I have a very athletic build... I am staying on topic - LET ME FINISH! Anyways, I have a really nice body that weighs around one hundred pounds, maybe less. I'm kind of short... like really short. I'm about four feet eight inches in height. It's saddening. And calling me stuff like 'Shorty' and 'Shrimp' does not count as nicknames! That counts as name-calling. Poo.
NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FASHION SENSE .
Can I just tell you what I am wearing today? Good. Let's see... where to start? Oh! My hat! Let's start with my hat because it is a fantastic hat! So I wear my red cap to the side because it looks gangsta. And that's everything about my hat!
Okay, okay, moving on. Let's see... Oh lookie here! I'm wearing gloves. These blue gloves are awesome! They reach below my wrist and my finger tips can be seen through the holes. My gloves never fall off because there's this white tie-around thing that tightens them around my wrist. So I could be upside down and they'd still be on my hands! Technology is fantastic!
My shirt is like a turtleneck. You can't see my neck, collarbones or breasts. However, you can see my shoulders, my awesome biceps and my six pack. Yes, I have a six pack! See my six pack? I made this six pack! Feel it. No, I'm serious! Take your finger and poke my six pack! Don't make me make you poke my six pack! There. Now didn't poking my six pack make you feel better about yourself?
To continue sharing my clothing of the day I shall tell you about my pants and shoes! I am wearing dark blue jeans with this huge belt! I mean, take a look at this! ...What do you mean it totally undermines the purpose of a belt?! Don't discriminate! No, no, I heard you perfectly. Just because most belts keep pants up, doesn't mean you can go dissing this belt that makes my pants ride low on the hips. I mean, sure, it's a bit big but it looks amazing!
You know what? I don't even want to talk about my shoes anymore. No, no. If my belt isn't good enough for you, then what would make my shoes any better? I'm sorry, but they have feelings too. If I said you were ugly or totally undermined the human race, you wouldn't be happy with me. Ouch! Physical assault! That was unwanted physical contact! Fine! My shoes are small like my feet and are the color red. Now change the subject and no physical contact!
ANY COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY ...?
I find myself to be a very bubbly character! I'm cute, I'm charming and everything my sisters want to be! I'm also athletic, beautiful and every part of the word awesome.
Whuuut? I don't have any bad points. ...How rude! Just because you have bad points, doesn't mean I do too! You know what? I think you're smelly and gross. Yeah, what you got to say about that? No - stop. I don't want to be beaten with the microphone again! I will call my daddy on you!
The interview has paused do to lots of crying and Kalyna throwing a temper tantrum.
Okay, ummm... bad points. Despite my awesome-ness, I do tend to cry, whine and yell a lot. My sisters find me to be 'barbaric' and my brothers say I hit way too hard for a girl. I've never worn any girls clothes that I can remember. I don't even know how to physically put on a dress. And I miss my daddy!
...Huh? More good points? Hooray! Okay, so! Here's the deal. I am super nice to people. I always communicate with everyone to let them know that I know that they exist. I mean, really, after all the drama television I've watched where girls are so upset that this guy, or vice versa, don't know that they exist but they really do, can always be fixed before the problem even began. Watch this. No! Don't run away! GET BACK HERE!
...See? Doesn't this hug make you feel like I know you exist? Don't you feel loved and accepted? Good. Now you can never complain that I don't know you exist because I totally do. And because I know you exist I shall always be honest to you. Well, sort of. I usually don't mind lying if it means I get candy for it, but most of the time I am one hundred percent sincere! Like... listen to this. I think you smell like a dog who's rolled in mud. See? Now because of my honesty you - I SAID NO UNWANTED PHYSICAL CONTACT!
WANT TO GIVE US SOME BACKGROUND INFORMATION ?
Well, like I said before, I am from Cerulean City. My family has been having this drama fest and I decided to just book it out of there. Honestly, I have to prove to them that I am more than awesome! I can't wait until I get to shove it in their faces!
Anyways, as I grew up my parents were really good people. It was just my sisters that caused problems, really. I mean, I know our family isn't rich but do they have to get everything?! They rarely give me any hand-me-downs either. I usually get old clothes from my brothers because apparently nobody can bother to go shopping for me. Whatever - it's not like I like shopping anyways! Watching my siblings get all the clothes - what nerve!
Well, Cerulean is known for their love of water Pok?mon, right? Well, apparently my mother and sisters don't care. I mean, our hometown is famous for water Pokémon and they just shove that aside to grow plants and have these leafy Pokémon in our household! What the hell?! Then there's my one brother who thinks that fire, fighting and electric types are super cool. I tried to beat sense into him but he's so stubborn! It's so disgraceful to my hometown! I'm not sure about my dad or other brother because they don't really talk much about their preferences.
Well, I decided on my sixteenth birthday I'd leave and go on my own journey. My siblings have each went to a separate region and came back to visit and share their stories. Well, you know what? I am not going to relive their moments! I want to go to a new region by myself and show everyone what I am capable of! However, my parents were not fond of that idea. They tried to make me stay in Kanto! So I ran off, got on a boat and headed for Kairuu. It was kind of weird how my birthday was spent on a boat without my family...
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME .
Wait, what? No, the interview can't be over! Seriously? Well, I suppose I'll go amuse myself some other way. Psst! Post this on television, so certain people will be even more jealous of my awesome-ness!
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